Spirited Bodies

When Life Models Gather ~ A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 3

In a small seaside town on the coast of England, was an ambitious, older female model. She was quite large and working class. She loved her work and had done it for many years in her region. A dream of hers was to bring together life models in a group or gathering, and not just from close by to her. She had an idea about those models already, and was keen to stretch her net further and meet models from far away. From places where there was a huge variety of models and lots of younger ones too. When Facebook came along, it was an answer to her prayers, and soon she realised she could make a group there, at the end of 2009. She called it Life Models Only, and it was private – it needed to be, since some models wouldn’t join otherwise. In any case, they might be sharing nude drawings of themselves.

Drawing from the same workshop by Mike Flight; several models posing simultaneously

It was small to begin with, not reaching very far, but even this was a big step, simply joining up the models most local to her as well as a few of the more trusted artists. Some of the models were artists as well or married to artists so there was an organic way that people fitted into the group.

It wasn’t really until a couple of years later that some models from different counties and London had been grasped, and then the purpose of the group began to grow too. The conversations became more lively and you could tell that the contributors were really excited to be talking to one another for the first time. The leader, the woman who originated the group – let’s call her Leslie since I have lost touch with her – was extremely delighted by everyone’s interest and would tell the group how happy it made her to bring them together. What had begun as a handful of people, then settled at around 50 for a while, and now was over 100 and growing. It was 2012 and she had some of the most well known models in London there, who were also in the business of bringing models together. They knew lots of other models and kept adding people. For me there was a peak perhaps during that year when it was still very fresh, as well as 2013.

Leslie arranged gatherings at a venue local to her where a group of models from all over the country would pose together and be drawn by artists. Something similar had been organised in the North of England, though it wasn’t model-led. London Drawing were holding ‘The Drawing Theatre’ regularly which would involve a few models in theatrical tableaux in bigger venues. Art Macabre, originally ‘Death Drawing’, offered a gothic variety. Draw in Brighton held ‘The Drawing Circus‘, along similar lines but perhaps with more models, some being musicians, and on more of a collective-run basis. Spirited Bodies was in its heyday, organising multi-model extravaganzas including experienced and totally new models, mostly in London though we did also venture to Scotland. We held smaller workshops as well, such as the pictures are from, which were really for newcomers to try and learn how to model.

So there was this thriving, exciting, creative energy across the UK for experimenting, expanding and reaching new people with life drawing, and I have possibly missed out some projects! Certainly more emerged over the years, but these are what I remember from that time. Big events would attract models who travelled long distances to take part. It was a bit like the thrill of participating in a Spencer Tunick event, for that kind of person. We loved modelling per se; and we loved it even more in large groups. It was euphoric; like a rave, but with no drugs or loud music; just something purely natural and artistic. It was primal. All these different bodies feeling equal and accepted. Disabled people; their carers; people of all or as many ethnicities as possible; all genders; all expressions of humanity, all shapes and colours and ages; and on a common wavelength of art and body acceptance. It was glorious.

I remember the delight I felt at discussing matters of our modelling work with the Life Models Only group. This would also happen with ‘The List’* email group, where one found oneself eagerly awaiting others’ responses when something significant was under the models’ microscope of analysis. It made me feel empowered I think, with regard to my work and my rights. If something happened at a job which didn’t feel right, I could immediately let one of these groups know, whichever was most appropriate. I could receive others’ take on it and perhaps encouragement towards questioning whatever wasn’t sitting well. It gave one power to be able to say to an organiser, “This isn’t how other groups operate”, to be able to tell them real examples of how other places dealt with situations.

* see A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 1 and A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 2

When exactly Life Models Only became so large that it ceased to be a place where conversations felt intimate and safe, I can’t recall now, perhaps around 2014 – 2015. It felt out of control so I stopped tuning in. Other groups had emerged on Facebook and sometimes for a while that initial excitement would be there if something juicy came up. Leslie enjoyed having created an empire and all the attention it brought her. It would attract different jobs and opportunities to her and the group. Art projects which might not be paid but were fun. She met lots of new people. There was a cross-over with people who were naturists, and some of those were also into sexual freedom. This was a new arena for Leslie and she was a very curious person, open to discovering new avenues to explore.

At some point, her judgement seriously lapsed, because some of the men in the group had a predator nature that needed to be managed (and kicked out). Their inappropriate advances were not what other life models appreciated, and exactly the sort of thing, experience has shown us has to be kept in check in such groups online. The delicate matter was, for Leslie, these men represented a fun opportunity, while for other women they were a pest. I have to say, her naiveté aside, and inability to dance such a nuanced line, I also have compassion for how her experience as an older, larger woman exploring her sexuality later in life was her priority. Didn’t I get the chance to do that when I was young? Did I take for granted being found attractive? Hadn’t I known in my bones since I was a teenager that it was imperative for me to try lots of things out. To have different partners and see what was possible and push my boundaries. I salute anyone choosing that journey at any time in life, and even more so when they are older. That’s how you find out what you like, or it’s a way to do so. It’s not for everyone, but if it calls you, go follow. Nothing is simply good or bad, and while many of us would readily banish those pesty men, for her, they were her chance. Surely such unions ought to be encouraged where all parties are happy to be at the party.

That said, the group became a car crash, taken over by what to most people felt like a sleazy cartel. Not a pleasant place to be, certainly not what it had originally been. It was entertaining at best, if you looked on in detached incredulity. It may or may not have worked for Leslie in the end, it was hard to tell since matters spiralled way beyond any sane intervention. Such was the demise of Life Models Only which went out in a fiery blaze in late 2017, along with at least one other group, also infiltrated by the wrong people. This is a cautionary tale which I share because it is easily forgotten yet contains important messages. It’s not about Leslie’s folly, or all the bad people. It’s about when our passions exceed our awareness of others, and how overall, the experience of being part of what she created, allowed some of us to learn from it.

So a new life model group on Facebook was created which still goes, (though it is only London wide) and led by someone who had experience of all these forerunners, thus the aforementioned mistakes are mitigated against thoroughly. It seems it is quite a rare person in the scene who has the time, awareness and inclination to manage one of these groups. The group feels safe, but where we are now in 2025, and how many years it has been running, it contains 3.5 thousand members, so long gone are the days of natural, easy, intimate connection. For that I tend towards the people I already know. Maybe one day I will rediscover a smaller space as well, where people can connect in a safe group of optimum size.

The complexity of Leslie’s circumstance sheds light on the very sensitive matters pertaining to the holding of groups of people who practice nudism in some form, even as life models. They can be a magnet for men or people who seek sexual fulfilment/connection, or intimacy, and that may be hidden behind their front as a model or artist. While the full blown manifestation of this is generally inappropriate in the life drawing scene; in essence, it isn’t strange or wrong. By that I mean the energetic impulse of attraction and connection. It is actually natural; what is a problem is when it manifests in a predatory manner.

It is normal that we want to explore that part of ourselves and find others to do so with who may share an artistic interest. The nakedness in life modelling is an access point for sensing sexuality; we literally display our sex. Very often, the way these energies may be explored in the life drawing scene, is extremely subtle and in fact entirely unspoken. It may be a flirt but not necessarily with an individual; rather with a whole group, or platform. The response may be a drawing and a friendship. Truly it’s an incredibly healthy place to experience and share creative energies, where nothing physical beyond the posing generally takes place.

It’s a positive, uplifting feeling of sharing our naked selves with others, and being appreciated. It engenders moods and sensations of all manner of human experience, which goes much further than sexuality alone. This extraordinary exchange of energies can go a very long way; and for some, it takes the place of intimate partnership. It’s a favoured alternative. It means they can enjoy multiple attractions, without the complications of deeper entanglement! I think it’s pretty advanced as a life strategy, if that’s your thing. I also think it’s important to say that how we conduct ourselves is very pertinent. We must behave impeccably, or it will be detected easily, amongst such a sensitive crowd. Intent that crosses a line, even if it is only felt, will be noticed. Our true essence ideally resonates harmoniously with the others in the group. It’s about self awareness, and not projecting our desires onto others unduly.

There’s also the matter of distinguishing between very different scenes. There may be some nudity in common; but the norms, behaviours, vibes and expectations are completely different. It’s true that scenes can vary and encompass a variety of shades – like the swingers among the naturists; or erotic life drawing within life drawing as a whole. But these sexier strands are clearly demarcated subcultures.

I have shared drawings from a Spirited Bodies workshop in 2013 which was held at a community centre in Holborn, central London. Several people were learning how to model, practising different poses. There was an older couple among the group who were coming to terms with the woman’s loss of eye sight and mobility. They were very sweet as was the whole group who were wonderfully supportive of each other, and diverse. Artists captured them in a variety of ways. Beautiful memories.

These ‘Story of Life Modelling’ posts began on the Newington Green Life Drawing site.

A Story of Life Modelling – part 1

Portrait of me by Celia Montague at Heatherleys School of Fine Art in 2008

Back in 2007 I began life modelling for a handful of artists my sister put me in touch with. She had modelled as a student and handed her contacts over to me when she emigrated not long after leaving college. Peter Hall was and still is an artist and model who ran a few groups and his small friendly Vauxhall session was my first. After that I knew I could do it and was pretty good as well, even as a brand new model. I had trained in physical theatre and was working as a jobbing actor. In the past I’d worked in various states of undress in adult entertainment shall we say. I’d also learnt how to meditate a few years before. So making shapes whilst nude and holding still for an audience of artists was not a problem in the slightest, in fact very enjoyable.

Another contact was a watercolour life painting tutor at the CityLit college, so I got employment there, and also at Heatherleys School of fine art. Once I got acquainted with Heatherleys I realised this could be a full time job. It was very easy to quickly be booked there all day everyday and possibly evenings too, plus weekends. It wasn’t in one’s best interests for mental health to be there that much however*, and in any case there was plenty of other work coming in too from all sorts of directions. I hadn’t fully appreciated at the time how it happened that I became a life model just before an enormous upsurge in the popularity of life drawing was about to take place. It was intersecting with a few cultural zeitgeists all at once. The British taboo/fascination with nudity; a trend in the art world swinging back to embrace the tradition of life drawing; and a soon to be emerging movement for body acceptance as well as personal empowerment. Little did I know those last ones would be very significant for my career in a few years.

Other factors affording the incredible proliferation of the life drawing scene in the UK since about 2009, include a flexible bureaucracy enabling people to easily start up their own groups – to hire spaces and book models. Such a system does not exist in France or some other places on the continent for example, so even though they have very important art centres, there are curbs on innovation and the pursuing of individual projects. I have always valued that relatively relaxed state of play we have, making it possible to realise one’s dreams in quite simple ways. It was even more relaxed when I first began as at that time, an undocumented migrant could work as a life model in many of the institutions who still paid cash. That has changed. There are also more safeguarding procedures now in art centres making it incumbent on organisers and models to have certain certificates, whether DBS for working with children or vulnerable adults; or public liability insurance; sometimes for first aid; as well as getting any electrical equipment safety checked.

From 2010 life models began to get together in a Facebook group called Life Models Only. It was very exciting, the first time we were connecting with each other not only with other models in the same city, but across the UK and sometimes from other parts of the world. A tandem group for life drawing artists and models which is still going is called LifeArt. That was always a very international space, but more artist led. Prior to and alongside the Facebook groups some of the London models had been gathered together in an email group by model Lucy Saunders. I met her at The Mall Galleries (Hesketh Hubbard) since they would book 4 models each Friday evening. She was keen that we should join up, share jobs, and organise to raise the pay and improve conditions. A union!

She arranged meetings in person as well, and shared life model news via her newsletter. We would offer jobs to ‘The List’ as it was known if we couldn’t make them ourselves. It was extremely helpful, and we could warn each other too, if an artist had crossed a line, which was generally an experience that female models faced. It wasn’t commonplace, but it did happen sometimes, and then having these groups was instrumental. Once we were on social media, it was possible to effect change almost immediately. It wasn’t such a big scene, so if someone was misbehaving, soon everyone would know.

More often it was to warn of a venue which was particularly cold, or didn’t offer enough breaks! Or the changing space was unsafe, or the artists demanded very challenging poses unsuitable to the model. In this way we would learn about each others’ circumstances, and how the job was a bit different for another kind of model. For example, some gigs were only booking female models, and some were only booking dancers or slim young female models. Others loved more variety. There were fewer fat models so they could be more in demand, but some places didn’t want them. There was a scarcity of models of colour, apart from a few main players including Morimda and Matthew who were both long time black models. It was very difficult to find Asian models.

It was towards the end of 2010 I received an email from Morimda, who was creating an art project where life modelling would be used as a tool to empower women regarding their body image. She wanted Lucy to be on board since she was a big networker, and she invited me as well, as I was also very experienced and articulate, and importantly online (at that time some of the old school models eschewed social media). We were going to put on an event at The Mall Galleries and invite 20 women to take part as models for their first time. The artists were up for the challenge. We would guide the new models regarding how to pose. In the end only 9 women took part, but even that was a considerable number of people to have modelling simultaneously. It was a wonderful sight to behold and I felt very proud of our achievement. We had prepared all the women in advance, and monitored their progress afterwards by staying in touch. Some became regular models. It was an overall success, only Morimda had had to back out of much of the organising in the run up. I did a lot of it myself and with Lucy. Truly it brought out something in me which hadn’t previously had an outlet; some kind of ability to lead and guide. I immersed myself in the project and it felt very rewarding. Morimda had to let go of it after the first event for personal reasons and she asked me to take it on, which I gladly did. The project was called Spirited Bodies and it is not exaggerating to say that it changed my life. That is another story for another post!

Sketch from the first Spirited Bodies event in November 2010 at The Mall Galleries, by John Sutton

This post also features on and in fact was requested originally by Newington Green Life Drawing group for their blog.

Life Art & Therapy in Highbury

I had been busy working on my play – Girl in Suitcase – in recent weeks, and left editing new interviews a bit last minute. I wanted to hear how they would flow with the material from March which was being reused, so naturally I gave each model’s interview a listen. Getting to Mum’s on Thursday afternoon left me with a heavy impression. The power in her voice is so disarming, to appreciate life so readily when one’s experience has been shockingly limited. I was reminded of the caged bird. My heart moved, and when I arrived for work in the evening, they knew something was up. Luckily they’d requested a Tank Girl look, so I was wearing stompy boots (and stockings) without anything else. They took a while to prepare their easels but some hiphop was playing and I just had to dance in my performance space. My way to release, to express, to flow back into a safer, happy place from where I can observe my emotions without being too caught up. The boots helped to ground me, as well as swing me around.

I just about managed to organise the interviews in time, but I was nervous. Every little thing – replenishing art materials, briefing models, instructions for how to maintain the pristine haven of a venue, biscuits, suitcases full of kit to charge across town by bus… and why had so few artists booked places? Would there be more models than artists? Turned out I had sent out a faulty link to the online booking in my invitations and on the flier! Well it is the first time I have sold tickets that way, and now I know.

People showed up regardless. The right people. Not too many, but enough, definitely enough.

The planning for this event happened just before I was set to look after Mum a few days back in May. I planned the Girl in Suitcase performance then too. I needed a focus to make my days as a carer ok. Sounds terrible when some people like Dad do that all the time, but nevertheless, so it is. So there was a little urgency in the planning, which is great for making things happen, though bound to be a few hiccups.

One of the main models I had planned this event with, had dropped out last minute, due to a very important court case she was involved in out of town. Couldn’t be helped, but I guess it threw me a bit, seeing as she’d been a driving force previously. But hey, she helped get the ball rolling, and, I am so pleased with the outcome. For sure there are improvements to be made; interviews which need more editing mainly, and the possibility of some models doing a longer pose, while others move more often. What worked really nicely was Niomi’s (the absent model) idea of having a post-event debriefing session for all who cared to stay. There had been considerable discussions a while back about how we would ensure that the right people stayed, but in the end, it just happened organically. By that time, with the intensity of all the interviews fresh in the air, the people who can and want to stay on know who they are.

I tried to make sure everyone who wanted to, contributed to the discussion, and it was rewarding for me to discover how much people enjoyed hearing the interviews. As they played I had felt painfully aware of background noise, and parts of interviews which made the model in question (and me too) squirm inwardly as s/he heard her/himself. It was remarked that it was refreshing that it was not overly edited. Made it more authentic, genuine, to hear that I’d caught them at teatime, and this must have been my only opportunity to interview them, so I had just pressed record whilst kettles were boiling, cutlery chinking, or people shouting across a hall in the background. Not all the noises could be edited out, if the words were very important.

There was a difference in the way some interviews were received at Southbank Centre in March, and then at Skylight Centre now. In March at WOW the room was packed to bursting, and women at the festival had spent much of the weekend building the feminist momentum listening to talks, taking part in discussions about the female slave trade, getting more women in top positions, and getting rights for women in the middle east. By the time they got to us at the end of Sunday, they were ripe for each and every woman’s voice at our women only event.

I only invited one male model to Highbury as I was playing it very safe. I knew others would come to draw anyway and they would have a chance later in the session to pose, but I wanted to be extra picky at this stage, for this event. I won’t explain who he is or why I chose him here, as that might compromise his privacy, as with other models. But he stood out in a few ways, and I knew he wouldn’t come otherwise. My main objective might be to offer the Spirited Bodies experience to people who would otherwise not find it, and who may gain the most, as well as contributing most meaningfully to the ensuing dialogue and others’ experience.

One artist mentioned that he was amazed to hear how the interviewees expressed such hatred towards their own bodies, and that it made him realise there were likely a lot of people going round with those negative thoughts in their heads. Tragic. It was news to him (he’d been brought by a friend) that the model might be experiencing therapy whilst modelling. He wondered if all models gained in this way. I explained that for most regular models, after a while one is relatively free of body hang-ups, but that modelling may continue to offer valuable insights due to its meditative energy sharing nature, even for the seasoned model, and that’s part of what can keep its appeal. Another artist who tried the posing stated that modelling raised his energy in a trance-like way, took him to a higher place. I totally agree.

I am aware of a block I might have towards applying for funding. I guess that (funding) has never been a reason for doing the project, as my drive is born more directly of passion, a need to create and to share. I mean, funding might be great, but I would not wait for it. When I need to make Spirited Bodies or a piece of theatre happen, I just do it. I loathe the idea of fitting my plans into boxes for others to judge if my intentions and methods fit with their criteria. On the other hand, at some point I may cross that threshold as I know this is worthy of funding. It just has to happen before I get the itch to be doing the event, because then I have no time for forms.

On Friday evening there were 8 interviews, including one from an artist. There was going to be music too, but due to a technical hitch early on we only got the sound started a bit later, so no extra time available. At least 5 of the artists tried the posing. Mum received a round of applause after her interview! Revealing her identity is a little controversial as she is shy about people she knows knowing that she modelled nude. But I have this feeling it’s like worrying that someone from work will see you at a fetish club. If they are there too, surely you’re in it together? Moreover Mum’s voice is too powerful and my connection to her too strong for me to present this less personally. A middle-aged woman with advanced MS who is paralysed from the neck down poses and tells you about how in her dreams she is in her 20s and can walk, but in waking life she requires anti-depressants in order to feel ok about everything. She would hate it if the people on her street knew about the modelling (but some of them do as she’s proud enough to have some of the pictures from her previous sessions up in the kitchen). Her voice is slow, and would be quiet without volume control. Normally it’s lucky if one person can hear her, let alone an audience. She tells it like it is, and she almost has nothing to lose. Women in the audience who may be too worried about the size of their behind to pose, or think they have a big nose, rethink their concerns when they hear what Mum has to contend with. It puts everything into perspective to have an elder (63, but in a condition more like a 90 year old) like that. She hadn’t thought she could be a role model, but it dawns on her during the interview. By the end we are all extremely grateful to be able to move independently, to pick up a piece of charcoal or remove our own clothes unassisted. Life takes on new meaning.

All pictures taken from the event. There were many more good ones I missed, but hadn’t got that far in my planning. All the same, brilliant memories.

Return to the Womb of Winter Hibernation before Rising for Justice

I was grateful for a good year, and ready for a rest. The rest came early when complications arose with the final event so it was cancelled. During the two weeks preceding my holiday in Spain I raised my voice to artists drawing me on two separate occasions. The holiday was well overdue! It was the continual objectliness of the role of life model, being referred to not as a person, but as their (the artists’) object, so that they could get their picture how they wanted it. I cannot remain passive, and at this point in the term, my level of politeness was challenged also. The part of me that has missed making theatre rose up spying an opportunity for a natural drama. My voice shifted to histrionic tones, without quite shouting I did project! I let them know I am much more than an object and they ought to honour my presence, for without me, they would not have a model. They may have many other models, but right here and now, they have me, with the shape and form that I am. If I need to alter the pose because I have damaged my shoulder in the position it was in (whilst doing the pose), then that is what I will do. No questions. And if I know which poses my body can make on a Monday evening at the end of a term when I have been modelling almost every day, and I am a professional model and have been for 7 years, then I know. Not them, however long they have been drawing for, does not make them master of my body ever. They may have trained in the ’50s or ’60s when the model really was often regarded as little more than an object – and when I say model, you can place ‘woman’ in that sentence in most contexts, especially for the type of antiquated artist I refer to – but we are now in the 21st Century. Get with it. Or get lost I say, because I will not tolerate this.

I returned to Barcelona where I had lived briefly 10 years ago, only this time my home was 5 minutes from the sea. Each morning I walked to the beach, and most days the sun shone very bright, the sky brilliantly blue even if the temperature fairly cool. I did not have internet and barely used my phone. I noticed the quality of my sleep improve, as well as my breathing. I kept a journal – hand written – meticulously. I unpicked thoughts over and over, and lingered on memories of my old self bumbling around the city a decade ago in a cloud of hashish smoke. Nice to feel the changes. It felt like a pilgrimage as I revisited favourite spots, and remembered the particular state of play in 2003. My sister visiting me, spending time with my classmates which helped to prep her for the audition to drama school. She got in, and we spent a year living together while we studied at the same college, reconnecting since I had left home. The massive anti-war demonstration which was the biggest of its kind around the world, must have been all the more satisfying for the leaders who ignored it to feel their supreme power. I had gone with my flatmates all day in the packed streets of the centre, then watched the next day as scenes from every city everywhere doing the same thing were shown on television. You can raise a massive outcry like that and know that you are all doing it, feeling it, but you cannot sway the powers that be, the way things are. Stupid white men Bush, Blair and Aznar were the butt of our jokes but who had the last laugh? Well war one place or another continues. To rise above that we have some way to go.

This holiday felt like the greatest gift, and it came via a friend who offered me a room in her tranquil apartment. I knew I never wanted to return to the way Spirited Bodies had been, but at some point I would take the best of what it had been and develop that. It felt like SB had drifted too far from its core. I had let other people’s wishes take over, and now I was pulling my baby back. I longed to reignite my creativity apart from this direction too, so that drive will be honoured from now on.

I came in touch with a female shaman (shamanka) at the beginning of 2014 and with her transcendental insight she had strong advice for me (she gave me a good telling off!) Not to let others take over ever again. Keep nursing this child of mine as it is a calling and to be given the utmost care. I didn’t skip school, waste my youth in mindless chemical abuse, sell my body and give up all pretensions of wanting a ‘normal’ life, mortgage, academic success and 2.4 children to let people who had some of these things take over. Moreover my grand parents and great grand parents did not give up promising careers in the West to live and work underground in the impoverished East or start the South African communist party, in order that their bloodline would give up the fight for justice. Because when you have made big decisions about your future that mark you forever like an alien, you have the power to change things, but only if you use it. It is a unique and divine power and it comes from the passion of youth. You never knew as well as you did when you were 16, 18 pounding the beats on the dancefloor what was wrong with the world, and also what felt right.

It would be vital for me to nurture my own sacred masculine who had gotten lost amidst my celebration of the feminine. That would help me to avoid leaning on others or being led by them. The shamanka pointed out my inappropriate openness left me vulnerable to others hoping to make money, further a career or even meet women through SB, which ultimately was at my expense, undermining my efforts. The good news is, I feel in such a place now, that there is no turning back; I exhausted other pathways. I am left figuring out the direction for myself and have faith in the perfect unfolding of this beautiful phenomenon, with a bit more experience behind me. In the beginning there were so many questions that I was grappling with – whether to have men model with women, whether to make events more theatrical, whether to organise every element of an event myself or combine with organisations of artists, whether to target ‘vulnerable’ women or to create a financially viable operation aimed at wealthier women, whether to stay attuned to the shamanistic 5 Rhythms community or go more political with the women at Southbank, whether to include professional models or create a franchise. I know a lot more now where my heart wants to go with this, and experience has taught me much about what keeps the essence pure.

I aim to bring Spirited Bodies to the Southbank Centre on Sunday March 9th as part of Women of the World festival, late in the afternoon. This will be more of an installation rather than last year’s presentation. It will be a women only space, where women who have modelled with us before will lead the way, before newcomers are welcome to give modelling a try as well. I will invite the experienced women to read out testimonies from women who may prefer not to tell their own story or cannot be there, though live accounts of the transformational experience of life modelling are also welcome. As a healing space for women, it will be totally cool to simply be present, sit on a cushion and listen. Naturally I would love lots of women to come and draw as well as model, but you are also welcome to just be there. Please get in touch if you think you would like to take part; for the most part a day ticket to the festival will be necessary (£12), but if you have modelled with us before I would like to offer free entry to our session at least.

Apart from this my energies are going into a one woman show I am creating, ‘Girl in Suitcase’, which will first be aired in late March (28th) in South East London as part of the Telegraph Hill Festival. It is a follow on from the two woman show I put on in Edinburgh 2011, though now I have decided to simplify matters and concentrate on one performer – myself. Well one performer plus one or more live musicians accompanying me. I will likely start a new website for the show which may provide a new outlet for my more personal ramblings, allowing Spirited Bodies to be entirely for itself and the participants’ stories.

Bringing me right out of the womb will be One Billion Rising for Justice on Valentines’ Day (V or Vagina Day), Friday 14th February. I am simply going to link to Facebook as all the blurb is there – https://www.facebook.com/events/1445985895616396/. Basically Eve Ensler, creator of ‘The Vagina Monologues’ and a healing city for women in the rape capital of the world, Democratic Republic of Congo – leads a host of prominent feminists from MP Stella Creasy, QC Helena Kennedy, actress Thandie Newton, performance artist Skin and many others in campaigning to end all violence against all women everywhere (one billion women in the world it is estimated will be raped or beaten in their lifetimes). Between 12 and 2pm in London, Trafalgar Square there will be speeches, performances and dancing. But wherever you may be in the world, there may be an event near you, or you can start your own. A ‘One Billion Rising’ panel discussion at the start of January got my feminist senses buzzing again, and most of the room dancing by the end; it was electrifying. Hosted by Jude Kelly of Southbank Centre and much of the WOW team, it really helps get the momentum going for V Day. Returning to the idea of balance however, The Southbank this weekend is holding a festival to honour men, Being a Man.

That’s all for now, look forward to crossing paths in the upcoming Year of the Horse.

a Barcelona beach in December

sleeping on the job

my Oriental double?

Choosing a Different Path, & Spirited Bodies at The Dana Centre

by Cynthia Barlow Marrs at Dana Centre

Sometimes I get a touch of the social phobia – the shivers creep up on me as I get dressed for a family function, or an attack of nerves has me weeping on a bus on route to a networking event which I am sure will be full of ‘posh’ women! It’s that fear of being judged for not having a ‘proper’ job, a ‘normal’ life. I would prefer it if instead of subtle remarks hard to pinpoint when you are feeling twitchy, people came out with the more direct “But how do you get by with a crap job like that?” or “Are you a slag because you pose for artists?” “Is it because you are mentally ill?” “So where did your parents go wrong?” “I hope my daughter never meets you!”

I am so familiar with the usual run of questions trying to suss out if I am still renting in my ’30s, if I can afford to do this because I have a rich husband (I don’t!), if there is any evidence of a ‘normal’ job in my background (there isn’t), if my life gets any more shocking than being a life model (this is where the fun starts); I can anticipate this nonsense a mile off. Sometimes I am on form coming back at them in all my cutting finery, other times it’s an effort and I reel off some well worn spiel and take another sip.

It doesn’t happen very often, but when things do get to me, I ask friends why I still do this. Recently, a good friend reminded me. She said, picking up that part of me wondered why I am not ‘normal’ after feeling like an outsider at a party where everyone seemed to be part of the ‘mainstream’; “It’s very important what you do. If you had a child, you would not be able to make Spirited Bodies the way you are now. Most people grow up thinking they must get a certain kind of job, with a set income. They must marry the right kind of person, buy the right property, have children at the right age, mix with the right people and send their children to the right school. When people do choose a different path, that is something amazing.” (Her voice was shaking. She is a young Grandmother who is very close to her family and has grown to appreciate so much an alternative lifestyle.) “You must celebrate your different path,” she said, “And remember how unique and inspiring it is.” Thank Goodness for strong, clear-sighted friends. I knew immediately that she was right, her words rang loud and resonated deeply. I almost cried with joy as I remembered that I had indeed chosen a different path many years ago. When I was still a teenager I knew I never wanted to be conventional! The girls in my North London grammar school wreaked of materialism and bored me no end. I got off the track, scrambled through all sorts of wilderness to find some freaks who were real! Idealistic and romantic – me? More like dark, fearless and underground!! It can take a long time to come out of the dark, and sometimes it’s pretty fucking scary. But I am out now, and I mean business!

On Tuesday Lucy and I gave a presentation at The Science Museum‘s ‘The Dana Centre‘ in South Kensington at an event called ‘Eating Identities’. Lucy spoke whilst showing slides and I posed so the audience could draw. Lucy was talking about portrayal of the body in the media focusing on youth, slimness and sexualisation, and how Spirited Bodies can help people discover a sense of value in their bodies no matter what. Other speakers included Dr Meredith Brown who is a feminist art historian at The Courtauld Institute; she looked at the female form through the ages in art, and Catherine Collins who is Principal dietician at St George’s Hospital in Tooting; she discussed the futility of most fad diets and how our bodies are meant to be a certain shape anyway so we are better off not attempting to deviate too much from that. While these two spoke, Lucy and I both posed. It definitely felt quite novel to have some life drawing at this presentation – when Meredith was speaking I got the impression she had not anticipated how real and live we would be, nude and contorted in front of her! She was trying to describe one of the original models for a Renaissance Venus painting or some such, and the fact that the model was a prostitute. She kept stuttering on that word as she looked open mouthed at me in front of her feet away on a table with my legs open and unashamed, totally cool!

Here are some photos of the presentation and more of the artwork from it.

Me in classic one-legged pose

Some artistic licence with the accessories!

Nude modelling giving women confidence ~ my talk with Women on Fire

On Tuesday 23rd April I will address an audience of women at a Women on Fire event; it is part of their A Woman Cubed series. I will be speaking about how modelling nude may bring women confidence.

I will draw from my experience as well as that of some of our Spirited Bodies.

I will look at how nudity has changed in its status through history, how it has become incredibly sexualised where it used to represent purity. Indeed the naked body has been of the highest spiritual significance. There is of course a political element; it may be convenient that a population ashamed of the natural human body is a society living in fear. In fear how easily are people subjugated and controlled? I may not have time in the talk to cover this element, but it is related.

I will discuss what is unique to life modelling; as well as the nudity, the usual silence and stillness. Shed of our daily trappings we have an opportunity to reexamine who we are.

This is a women only event.

About Women on Fire: “Women on Fire is designed to link up the women of the world who make brilliant things happen. It promotes women as decision makers, especially in the many areas that have a direct effect on the wellbeing of all life on earth. It aims to embolden, uplift, inform and inspire women in all circumstances to live their power – but without the loss of lovely, feminine tenderness.”

Women on Fire founder Judith Seelig is a shaman and change maker. She will be talking about women letting go of judging ourselves and comparing ourselves to others.

To book tickets for this free event, register here; it takes place at Kings College London, from 7 – 9pm.

Judith Seelig by Tracey Fahy

Judith by Tracey Fahy

Judith poses beautifully, photographed by Tracey Fahy

I first came across Women on Fire at a women’s business networking conference a couple years ago. I was looking at ways to take Spirited Bodies further; we had done one event and I was preparing for the second, which was called ‘The Ages of Woman’. One of the speakers at the London Women Mean Business event mentioned Women on Fire, so I checked them out. They had a big event coming up with some very inspiring speakers from Camilla Batmanghelidjh to Polly Higgins, covering many areas of life. I decided to go to their regular meetings and stay in touch. I am thrilled to be asked to take part in next week’s event!

Feminine Transmission

http://spiritedbodies.com/2011/10/01/fire-power/

Naomi Wolf & Women of the World festival, Southbank

Wolf got in trouble for revealing too much of herself in her latest book entitled ‘Vagina’. Controversy, talking about her own vagina. She says that word a lot, as well as describing its different quadrants, outer and inner labia, clitoris, G-spot and perineum. She learnt a lot about vaginas since she had a spinal injury which cost her sensation in that area, and also layers of consciousness she says. She felt sad and didn’t know why till the injury was diagnosed, then corrected and sensation returned. This made her aware of what she missed when normal use of her vagina was restricted. The incredible euphoria accompanying orgasm that added meaning, direction to her life. She got to researching vaginas and found some hidden material, which explained something of our sexist culture which loves to mock the vagina. About how there is a brain to vagina connection or relationship, and that the range of euphoria and energy that the vagina may release is immense. The clitoris and G-spot are opposite poles of an axis simultaneously capable of reaching each other. The suppression of this research speaks volumes.

It is well known and addressed that erectile dysfunction affects or is related to many areas of a man’s life, altering his performance. Naturally there is a similar relationship for women and their vaginas, but that is less discussed.

When a woman seeks out sexual pleasure and is supported by her culture in doing that, dopamine is released in her, she becomes more confident and her oxytocin levels rise. Creative hormones move her forward with positive energy. Dopamine makes a person less easy to push around, to subjugate. We have internalised the idea that women’s sexuality is ridiculous. In her book ‘Fire with Fire’ Wolf asserts that women are on the route to equality, and to achieve it they must stop being victims. During the ‘sexual revolution’ in the ’70s, a survey in which women self-reported, showed that 30% of women did not reach orgasm when they want to. It seems there has been a sort of plateau reached as this statistic has hardly changed in the last 40 years.

So the bottom line is female sexual pleasure makes a woman powerful, so information about how to maximise this is not popular with patriarchal systems like religion. Hence sexuality and also Love can be very subversive.

In the rape culture of war people are dehumanised, and women’s bodies respond negatively to rape reducing their chances of enjoying sex. The autonomic nervous system which leads to activation of good orgasms, is inhibited by anti-erotic impulses such as fear, stress and anger.

Wolf grew up in San Francisco around her lesbian Mum in the ’70s. She observed how her Mum’s friends became shining and integrated in a culture that supported their sexuality; she’d seen the same people previously more withdrawn, before they found their place. This was an environment which emphasized women’s fulfillment as an entitlement. It ought to be on the national curriculum!

What else did I take from Naomi Wolf’s talk at Women of the World festival on Saturday evening? That western feminists have a lot to learn from our sisters in developing countries because she reckons they are at the vanguard of feminism today, really pushing boundaries. That we ought to be kinder to each other – it’s not about judging others because they have had surgery or don’t wish to call themselves feminists. That women hold emotional trauma in at least one quadrant of the vagina and this can be released through sexual healing. None of us are heterosexual, we all respond to a variety of stimuli despite what we say (well I knew that anyway!) And finally women generally need to learn how to receive pleasure better, as this has been suppressed in favour of male sexuality for too long. I resonate strongly with this, finding it hard to really let go most of the time. On the few occasions when I have been least inhibited, either alcohol, drugs or sometimes the euphoria of love have facilitated it. But to reach that high on a more regular basis, I am still working on that.

Going to put up some recent pictures from classes I have modelled in. There is a lot more to say about the WOW festival Lucy and I were at last weekend, like how many celebrities Lucy failed to realise she was chatting up because we’d reached that point in the weekend where she could no longer recognise faces. And how everything worked out for the best despite several drop-outs, because we had so many Spirited Bodies models present to help at our stall so some were able to step in and model too. That when the plan to film the event collapsed this was a blessing because our models gave the most precious and powerful testimonials we could have imagined which might easily have been inhibited with the presence of a camera. Similarly when I asked the audience how many would like to try doing a pose there and then, about half of them put up their hands, no doubt encouraged by the models’ words. The artwork will be up soon.

I went to a workshop about body image by the ‘Endangered Bodies’ group which I also want to report on, and the last event – Alice Walker introducing her film – was the perfect finale, so moving and inspiring. We will be following up our WOW contacts for some time and learning from some of the advice suggested. Becoming a charity may be a good choice for us, but so too might a business which is a social enterprise. The atmosphere at WOW is electric with so many women on fire!

a glimpse of vagina! I think these pastels are by Jo Parmenter from the session at Richmond Adult Community College

quick poses

by model and tutor Hugh

Performance Preparation

Tonight I was asked to break the rules of almost a century of Old School Life Drawing tradition! Elation and Joy!

Hesketh Hubbard at the Mall Galleries have a well worn routine. They are a big life drawing society who have met weekly since 1930 and always have 4 models; one portrait, one long pose, one on 15 minute poses and one on half hours. I was booked for this last position but that is beside the point as I was instructed for the first time in the organisation’s history, to ‘do what I want’! They asked this of me knowing my penchant for slow elaborate movement, like a dance in slow motion or my own version of t’ai chi. It’s what I do when warming up for a session and they decided they would like it to be the main event. Hooray for being allowed to be me!

A few days ago it dawned on me this actually requires more thought than normal – or does it? I mean there is the pressure to perform. I had to keep up the warm up (normally 15 minutes of movement max after a period of silent, still meditation – about 10 minutes) for 2 hours! These are artists who are used to a very rigid structure; they might want some word on what to expect. I told them what I knew in that moment, it was very much in the moment. The idea was to give me a chance to truly express myself and if that shook them up a bit (so used to their silent, still, obeisant models) so much the better.

They have known me since near the beginning of my life modelling career, some years ago and they have seen me grow as Spirited Bodies began in their session and several of them have followed it since. We will be returning to The Mall I am pleased to say early in the new year with a more evolved version of Spirited Bodies.

I have been rushing around with endless things to do; I had not planned a routine for this evening, but as I woke today and on the cycle ride into court (I was on jury service) I figured out how I operate. I woke before the alarm and saw sunlight streaming in through the gap in the curtains. I took a moment to gather my thoughts, feel where I am at. I felt joy, excitement and I had the memory of a dream of being at The Mall and Simon (organiser) had left a small sound system there and I realised I could have though had not brought music in. Overall the dream feeling was positive, uplifting, if slightly daunting. I launched into my day with clarity and enthusiasm. I wanted to dress in a way which expressed my essence today and allowed me to move. A packed schedule would not afford me time to practise, but in the right outfit my every move would be a rehearsal. I can access different parts of my character at different times; if I am on the ball I have a say in how and when that happens. Clothes affect how others interact with me and how I feel. I am a very physical being who enjoys the sensuality of movement. Some clothes enhance that sensibility, others inhibit it. Some clothes demonstrate to others that this is part of who I am, others hide it. If I need to access the slithery, dynamic me then I am well advised to dress for it, before I undress.

The Music On the way to court thoughts raced as I pedalled hard – I was late. Despite the dream there would be no music at The Mall, I was sure of that. The only thing that would be different to usual would be my movement. There would however *be music in my head* that would inform the groove of my twist. I would channel some of the techno that an ex-boyfriend implanted into my computer a few years ago. My neighbours must be sick of it as I’ve been playing it regularly and loud. It makes me want to move involuntarily, voluntarily, every which way. It would guide me along with every emotion that pulsed through me since I would move ultra slowly so that the fast beated music may drift in and out of my consciousness. Sometimes I found a position that felt sensational so I stayed there for a while (” This is a pose, I will stay here for a few minutes”) so artists could get more than the line of my thigh or rib-cage. I had done a sequence like this but nothing so long in ‘Girl In Suitcase’.

As I pedalled I thought about clothes and channelling. Choosing items to enhance the way I am today, gave me a lift. I keep bits and pieces from throughout my adulthood. If I’m on a rebellious one, or a sexy one, or a playful one, I’ll find a treasure of ’93, ’97 or 2006 to remind me throughout the day. The tightness of that body, brightness of the tights, holiness of the stockings will send waves through me as I sense them against my skin.

With love and gratitude for the artists this evening, it was a liberating pleasure. Not being tied to their timer gave me reign to be more fully me and find my better poses. We are enjoying the journey together!

Since Spirited Bodies often operates on this freestyle posing basis, I now have new impetus to share knowledge on finding one’s own inspired poses and movement between. Several of the models at the recent event, whilst also loving the experience did mention in feedback that they could do with more guidance.

In my lunch break at Southwark Crown Court I caught up with this fantastic set of sculptures not far from Tower Bridge.

I couldn’t find the artist’s name but the theme seemed apt – dancers having fun relaxing in the poserish way that dancers do! Pen and paper at the ready

dance shoes at the side of the pool

To Feel Human with You

Being with people naked with all different bodies, still and silent is liberating. Our bodies are ok, there is beauty in each, from the essence being allowed to be. Open and free allows, encourages each to flourish. That is a gift, that is magic, to share that is bliss.

To witness the unlocking of pain, but simply all I see is beauty. Individual expression, sometimes connection, the love of friends, couples, and the inclusion of all. The connections of the more confident and brave, the shapes of different bodies, sometimes balancing, sometimes relaxing, sometimes wanting to be looked at or not; to have all the variety is the magic of life.

At the begining of the morning session when I got on the platform, I found myself close to my friend Sylvie

As I was posing on the stage with everyone I noticed this wonderful feeling and it didn’t matter if we were being drawn or not, that was incidental. It was just being with everyone that mattered, and knowing we were all ok. I guess the artists do help though! That way you have a reason to stay still which helps. And impressions beyond photographs.

Thanks to all the models, and the artists at Spirited Bodies at the Drawing Theatre in Battersea Arts Centre last Saturday 20th October. Thanks also to Lucy, Steve and Denise for photographing art work. There is much more of it to be seen on our Facebook page; it may take a while to upload it all on here, so in the mean time: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.484653994890614.107239.320375434651805&type=1

Workshopping the Right Side of my Brain

I remember the streets from when Chris used to live here, and I was 18. A life time ago and the emotions flood back like it was yesterday – the power of place. Days/nights we would stay up sticking needles in our arms, procuring substances from the other side of town, late night motorbike rides and 24 hour chemists for junkies. A different me.

It’s a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart, a physical sensation and almost a tear as I hold the pose so perfectly for local artists in Kingsgate Studios. I still feel so much love for him. I’ll never share moments like that again. I was so young, really a child dressed as and in fact a whore! So selfish and stupid; sometimes he wouldn’t let me sleep for pushing me to try thinking a bit more.

He is I realise a benchmark for all subsequent boyfriends. There comes a point in each new relationship when I find myself asking if I love my partner as much as I still love Chris. I mean as a person. They rarely match up and it has been the crux of more than one break up. I don’t want to be with Chris, I find him very annoying, but at the core of him there is something that my DNA responds to. He is like family, and by some quirk of fate he is my Dad’s technical support for his computer. My parents who rejected Chris and screamed him out of their house, now get to see him in grown up (!) form and wonder why they behaved so badly.
This strong dose of nostalgia confronts me as I pose and reminds me of the power of that love even if I hardly see him now. There’s nothing like it, and it is empowering.

Here are some of my fairly basic drawings from workshops for Spirited Bodies, and one from ‘Still Life’ (see previous post).

I think a 10 minute pose – I concentrated on the model closest

At workshops about half the participants pose nude and half clothed

very quick sketchings

Sue MacClaine in ‘Still Life’, acting a bit pissed; I enjoyed foreshortening challenge

Esther Bunting