Taking a Shower

Unselfconsciously I bathe myself intimately, reach inside, feel for the string that tells me I won’t be having babies – yet.

I inspect my nipples – are they unduly hairy, in need of a pluck? I might promote being happy with one’s body as it is, but that doesn’t exclude a few enhancements. I don’t shave my bits, partly because I have sensitive skin which flares up at the slightest mention of hair removal down there. I prefer the orange triangle of hair to an itching mass of red plucked chicken look. Admittedly I’ve not investigated laser removal or even depilatory cream/spray; I’m just not that fussed about the presence of my pubes and possibly too lazy. With my proportions I am frequently still infantilised aged 35; there’s no need to assist those fantasies. Then there’s the political point of not conforming to porn style pussy. I think this is every woman’s call and won’t judge others on this choice, but I do think more porn ought to be reclaimed and created from the woman’s point of view.

I’m thinking about how we are on our own, in the comfort of our own privacy. When we go to the toilet and we don’t think about the noise we’ll make or the smell. If we get an itch we’ll go right on in and scratch. The difference between being alone and with others, how it takes a while to share as much of everything as we can. When I fall in love or make a new friend I really notice where I am holding back or shy. After a while I’ll leave the door open, censor less. I am grateful for that intimacy with others, to just be myself getting on with living rather than worrying.

As Idun was saying while I was modelling in her class yesterday, “When you stop worrying, let go of preconceived ideas, that’s when the magic starts to happen.” So true. They were drawing with their ‘wrong’ hands.

When I am on form, life modelling is like a gift. I get paid to express myself as I am. I mean it’s spiritual! How much I am in the moment becomes a measure of how well I am working it. I guess that is the same for any job, but in this one, mostly what I am doing, is just being. Holding still and being. Looking vaguely interesting. Somehow. Cultivating posing. Tuning into my natural presence and switching it on full blast, whatever the fuck that means. Beaming at the artists till I forgot they are even there, remembering something funny my boyfriend did or some comedian…

I took pictures of some artworks that caught my eye in the Mall Galleries this evening. Cheekily I didn’t record who created them.

unnatural lights bounce of the glass

I notice I feel quite free among these artists, performing myself for them. If I feel sexy I show it, without being overt. Whatever I’m feeling they get it. They get more of me than some of my friends do and sometimes I think they know me better. They watch me just being.

by one of the guys at Mortlake; Paul’s Tuesday group

I keep thinking about intimacy. About my desire to share stupid stuff which probably turns my boyfriend off me but I like sharing because otherwise I would be holding back. Sure sometimes there is a value to resisting sharing and I will find such a line if it ought to be known.

I think partners who we love are a good place to start when considering intimacy. He is the only person I regularly have naked physical contact with. When I was younger there were many more such folks in my life and often I didn’t know them. Now I do monogamy. I love him very much, his physicality and all. He is more than twice my body weight and I love to feel the pressure of him bearing down on top of me! That is a sensation I cannot give to myself. I am comforted by his flesh; he makes me feel tiny and I am like a little fairy next to him.

My boyfriend makes me wish I had dropped out more. Like stayed on that road because then I’d have more friends like that, instead of disparate womenfolk of similar strands of awkwardness to myself. Hey ho, what to be done but just be getting on with where I am at… I need to be a life model just to come to terms with this stuff! In the end though I just let go of me because there is so much more to give.

Supernormal Body Image

At the weekend I went to a festival called Supernormal with my punk choir, The Hackney Secular Singers. It is an experimental art and music festival in Brazier’s Park, Oxfordshire in and around the grounds of a gothic mansion which has been an artists’ commune and residence since the ’40s. Ian Fleming and Marianne Faithfull spent time growing up in its bohemian enclosure.

Choir rehearsing in the garden, Brazier’s Park, image by Jemima Broadbridge.

Terrace where we sang. Photo by Jemima Broadbridge of the choir

Musically this festival was quite geeky. Sound artists twiddled knobs in tupperware boxes with wires attached to them. Lights and torches came into the soundscape mix with light sensitive technology creating hypnotic drone music as they call it. Pedals and electrical goods littered the floor of the stage which was literally in front of our feet. The drone musician knew what each item was there for and he carefully manipulated each one. The intensity of his own immersion was like a ritual.

Other bands had ‘normal’ musical instruments, often jamming with apparently no synchronicity. A friend explained that this method allows moments of rare togetherness and tuneful episodes to shine phenomenally. Some of it was a bit ’70s prog rock; I am a Hawkwind fan so that worked for me.

It was a very uncommercial festival and too small to get lost in. It seemed like most people there were artists taking part, and there were odd processions, performative interludes and creative opportunities galore. In the mornings there was life drawing in a gorgeous old barn. People were invited to model and/or draw so there were some new models trying out, some as a duo to take the edge off. I naturally did a stint, as well as some drawing.

Campbell Works artists made and baked bread in the shape of life-size humans.

They specially built ovens to fit the cremations!

Guests were invited to a bread feast where body-pieces of the wholemeal natural yeast bread were eaten dipped in a dressing of olive oil with garlic and herbs .

Talking of body parts I especially enjoyed trying on Miracle Shapers by the artists who are Jerrica. This is participatory art about body image, challenging the idea that we obsess about body parts we dislike, in particular fat, and celebrate them instead.

http://www.jerrica.co.uk/miracle-shapers.html Artists Diane Archer and Christina Sabberton made soft golden pads in the shape of bums, boobs, willys, balls and bellys. They are stuffed inside clothes, worn on the outside for display or attached to special underwear garments.

First the boobs and behind

Boobs and bum. Luckily I had a compliant dress on

with a belly too. Jerrica probably have better quality images available soon… my phone camera being what it is

Possibly pregnant

These women were so jolly. Here Diane sports all their wares available for auction at the end of their session

When I told Lucy about this she asked if the parts had the weight of real fat. They don’t, so you just get a visual impression. They are fun items designed for convenience to make a point.

I liked being able to try out the ‘bigger me’ look. It might be interesting to wear the parts discreetly and experience life as a different size with people who do not know me. How do people relate to me differently like that and how much depends upon my personality, and do I alter my personality when appearing much larger? An experiment waiting to happen!

Finally I am looking forward to seeing the drawings by artists of Ortelius Drew; http://orteliusdrew.com/web/orteliusdrew/drawing-groups who documented as much of the festival as they could by drawing.

While I gently sleep in Idun’s class

On a warm day I naturally find the right position for repose

Abstract landscape seeps into a student’s drawing…

as Idun weaves her way round a vapourous studio

Mum has been in hospital and a blood transfusion has left her drained beyond words. It is like she has left the building.

For a long time she has fought with strongest will power a paralysing condition. Infections play havoc with her mind, and this is the part we all knew might come.

Floored at the Slade

It is a shift, a change of gear and in some ways it will be easier. But did we say, do all we needed to? Now we are left with fragments

By the river in Mortlake

There may be another opportunity, but I am not counting on it ever being like before. Dear Mum xxxxxxx

~ Beyond the beauty of external forms, there is more here: something that cannot be named, something ineffable, some deep, inner, holy essence. Whenever and wherever there is beauty, this inner essence shines through somehow. It only reveals itself to you when you are present. ~ Eckhart Tolle ~

Examples of Life Modelling Poses

Here are some pictures of recent poses I have done. If you are about to try life modelling for the 1st time and have not seen a model posing, this can give you some ideas for how to pose. It is a very individual activity however and must be necessarily adapted to suit each model.

by Deborah Collins

These six 10 minute poses demonstrate some varieties of balance. One is leaning on a chair; there is one pose with weight distributed evenly between the legs; the others have most weight on one leg. The top left hand pose is a good example of a twist, whereby the body faces one direction lower down, then another further up. Artists tend to love a twist; it is a challenge, but also makes the pose more interesting and lets them see more of you from one position.

One leg up on the seat gives more levels to the pose. Arms leaning back makes the pose feel open and lends complementary triangles of negative space, shown here balancing the shape of the upward bent knee.

I am skinny so taking advantage of my angles works for me. Different body types do well to emphasize their features accordingly

Here my back is arched forward gently creating a different impression. My back naturally forms an ‘S’ shape which artists frequently want to draw. Posing to accentuate the ‘S’ however is not good for my back if done excessively. Sometimes I need to give it a break and rebalance by curving the other way. As a model it is vital to understand these needs of the body so you don’t over do it.

A pose showing the curve of the back

The same 10 minute poses as above, from a different point of view

Longer poses tend to be more natural so the model may settle into them. Picture by Deborah Collins

Some artists use longer poses to concentrate on portrait. These are by tutor Cathy Bird

Elbow to knee connection creates negative space and helps artists to measure

Negative space is the area in between which is not the body, and may be formed by limbs connecting with the body and creating a shape. Artists use particular measurements in a pose to relate to other lengths to help them achieve an accurate sense of proportion. They often hold a pencil up in line with a pose and with one eye open measure how much of the pencil length is taken up by the head for example. They then use that measurement to compare other details in the picture. The length of the head may be comparable to say that of the arm touching the knee.

Here is a post I wrote a while back about how particularly to pose in the group situation at Spirited Bodies;

http://spiritedbodies.com/2012/03/13/how-to-pose-guidelines-for-life-models-at-spirited-bodies/

That was for a previous event and I would like to add that on the forthcoming occasion – 21st July – there will be some shorter timed poses to warm up, from 5 to 15 minutes. Then there will be a period of freestyle posing when models may change pose when they prefer.

There will also be at least one timed half hour pose when I would like all models to remain still at the same time. This is good for feeling what life modelling is like, as well as giving artists a better chance of creating a good picture!

Also I have just found this http://jasonandthegoldenpose.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/finding-your-happy-place/#comment-103 which is the blog of a male model describing his experience as a life model. He’s got some good advice and covers many topics from what to think about whilst posing to what to expect financially from being an artist’s model.

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Looking Back to Nina Hamnett

The very first artist I modelled for invited me to a film; ‘What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor?’ by Chris Ward – the life, times and troubles of Artist/Model Nina Hamnett (1890-1956). Queen of the avant garde she had a bohemian lifestyle with a glamorous heyday. The film caught more of the sense of waste towards the end of her life deteriorating in alcoholism, being used as an object for sex by whoever around.

That was sad; I wanted to know more about her as an artist, writer and model of Picasso, Modigliani, Roger Fry et al.

Nina Hamnett by Roger Fry

I left with the feeling that this queen of cool had ultimately been devoured; I started out wanting to fall in love with her and felt disappointed by her decline. Being free as she was must have had a high price and she did not hold back in exercising her free spirit.

Nina wearing an Omega cloak (from a workshop of the Bloomsbury Group) on the left

As a life model, writer & performer I feel grateful to be around now that more taboos have been worked and to people like Nina for beating the way as she was far from a victim, quite the creator of her world, albeit worn out and broken by the end. Aleister Crowley even tried but failed to sue her for saying in her autobiographical ‘Laughing Torso‘ of 1932 that he practised black magic. Come on – we would be disappointed if Crowley hadn’t been delving into the dark side! Mind you, he was pretty desperate by this time, living about as hand to mouth as she ended up too.

Nina by Modigliani

She had upset Crowley, and fell out of fortune spiralling downwards. She let her love of the social scene take presidence over creating art and that was the shame that kept her from greater success, as she had all the potential and support of renouned artists.

Nevertheless, as James Conway puts it, ‘Even in the depths of squalor Hamnett never pitied herself and we shouldn’t either. She fit more living in one of her Paris sojourns than most of us do in a lifetime, and as the Times obituary noted, “Miss Hamnett was a complete success as a person; generous, good humoured, loyal, and witty.” ‘

I like that. Here are some of her acclaimed paintings;

http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/artists/nina-hamnett/paintings/slideshow#/3

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Double Exposure: Meeting my Match!

Stoke Nudington, Nude York or NuDelhi; this Summer is about stripping off.

Ursula had tried to contact me about modelling with Spirited Bodies – she is a life model, artist and performance poet. I had clearly been busy. Serendipity lined us up however as Ron double booked us yesterday and we got networking in the nude. The Portobello artists had a rare treat!

Carol finds the Henry Moore in us

getting comfy

A beautiful occasion we wanted to remember; a most auspicious meeting!

I found Ursula very relaxed and open, it was easy to feel cosy together straight away

We chatted a bit in pose, and got to planning some nude action!

It was wonderful to have some of that experience models at Spirited Bodies get through sudden yet somehow natural intimacy

The stillness and relative quiet sort of make up for what might otherwise feel unnatural, i.e. those conditions give you a chance to breathe and settle with the new company so close and nude

quick pose by Mike Down

Felt tip colour by Mike

Check out Ursula performing:

And here is one of her poems:

Poetry Extravaganza
Poetry Extravaganza
I write verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
I write to be free
I write to be me
Poetry for self-exploration
Words for my expression
Every letter
A part of the puzzle
That put the words together
Which make up the picture
Of what I want to say
Of what I feel
Deep down inside my soul
Of what I know by intuition
Of my work which comes to fruition
Poetry extravaganza
I write verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Now what is my intention?
What is the purpose of my exploration?
To talk about some secrets of my soul
To communicate the depth within us
To make us remember our dreams
And what we wish for
What we desire, long and yearn for
And what we know
And how we can live in unity
How we can live happily and be free
Poetry extravaganza
Word for word
Sentence by sentence
Line by line
We write our liberation
With letters and punctuation
And recite them with intention
We sing
Verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Poetry extra
Poetry extravaganza
Chapter and verse
Each chapter a verse
We write
Verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Poetry
Extra-vaganza! © Ursula troche, 5. 2011
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Society of Women Contortionists

Someone was sick so I was drafted in at the last minute to make tea at The Mall Galleries this evening.

Diane Lawrenson’s Boulder

I wasn’t really in the mood but thought I can invite the artists to my next event (while giving them tea) and leave early to go to singing.

Olivia Ferrier’s Spider

It was interesting to be on the other side, I wandered about whilst the urn heated up. The Society of Women Artists had an exhibition there.

Kathy Prest’s Charis

I was reminded of nubile female objectification; 3 out of 4 models were slim, young, gorgeous. The other was a male model; he only had a few artists drawing him.

Kathy Prest’s Linette

I felt their immobility

Ferri Farahmandi’s Serene

as well as their grace

Ferri Farahmandi’s Grace

beautifully bound

Moira Purver’s Freedom From The Depths

I also felt freed

Arabella Nock’s The First Step

as I padded about in the air of concentration

Marysia Jaczynska’s Saved From Drowning

But I had to hurry as come 7 o’ clock, tea was due

Cynthia Lewis’ Mask 2

I felt light to be leaving after tea. Thank goodness for joining the choir

Charcoal & Broomsticks

Like Cindarella after a hard day’s work I rest on my broom

exhausted and in a day dream about my Prince

Ugly sisters are having fun, being invited to everything and somehow stopping me from joining in while an evil step Mother holds the key to my cellar

Then a Fairy God Mother appears and offers a chance of freedom, to come out and shine

Cindarella figure from different view points; she is the hidden consciousness about to be revealed at the right moment

She holds the secret to unlimited success, beauty and Love!

Before you can manage your own affairs you must find the peace inside. Repeated rhythms of arduous work have kept Cindarella calm and disciplined. Drudgery has not dampened her dreams which sparkle more alluringly than ever. Solitude has brought her closer to herself and to value the company of others.

Reflection is a vital part of the discovery. To stay totally still and not move an inch, except for the infinitesimal but steady descent with gravity which the artists observe as they alter their measurements. I don’t notice, I’m locked in a stare and far away

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Geodesic Bliss for the Crafty & the Queer

Friday is going to drip into my soul all Summer. Words fail but there are more pictures and memories

I painted the 2 figures on Bruce’s back as well as giving him a blue skull cap which he requested

Bruce does some nude performance art with rituals and dancing, unfortunately I could not find the links on Youtube… alas he is rarely online to sort this out.

People who still have long hair! Christine Binnie on the right

Back display

Fritz Haeg‘s Geodesic Dome located on the terrace of the gallery added to the bonding and awesomeness of the day. During breaks and when it got too hot in the studio we rested in the comfy construction, where hot drinks were available.

Books & magazines on Queer stuff plus decoration from artists who have visited

There was a period of scheduled workshops in the Dome; now it is available for any queer and/or craft related activity or meeting until 11th July if you go and ask or go to the site. Brent Pilkey is the tent’s guardian; he is writing a thesis on Queer Domesticity.

One of the artists who did a workshop in the Dome is Hera Cook; it was about Queer family trees and what they consist of and how they differ from biological ones. Hera joined us for body painting and beach dancing.

The presence of the tent made the day more complete as it was outside the concrete of Southbank, yet still within that area. It was a more homely environment, very home-made and intimate too. It was a good segway between studio and beach!

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Summer Solstice with Neo Naturists!

Thanks to my friend Peter I got a last minute ticket to be with the Neo Naturists yesterday when they were at Hayward Gallery doing body painting.

a few people drew on paper

most of us got straight to work painting each other… on each other, as well as clothes

I said I wanted a baby elephant inside my belly

This experience is almost beyond words. The power of touching strangers with a paint brush and exercising expressive motion is very liberating. It ought to be compulsory. To see others’ bodies as normal and then make art with them breaks down barriers. Love love love. How much closer we may all be if we did more of this with each other freely.

I am quite a tactile person and enjoy the touch of the brush

The Neo Naturists are Christine Binnie (originally a life model), her sister Jennifer and their friend Wilma Johnson (all 3 are artists). Their practice blurs the roles of artist, model, tutor & canvas as ideally everyone models, paints, is painted and may instruct. After a long day in the studio we tumbled down to the Thames for the brave ones to strip on the beach, and we danced around a fire for a Solstice ritual. A most healthy act of nudity!

The Neo Naturists began in 1981, they came from a new romantic background where one took hours to get ready. They wanted to channel this obsession with painting the self into an art practice with greater freedom of expression. They performed in body paint in the London club scene. Similar to my previous post about feminists, these women then had a break partly due to the advent of children. The sisters reformed during the Noughties a couple times, and now for the first time the 3 of them are back!

http://www.neonaturists.org.uk/

http://www.englandgallery.com/EXHIB_Neo_Nats.htm

http://www.wilmaweb.com/neonaturists.html

http://www.theblitzkids.com/site_archive/the_blitz_kids/neonaturistpics.html