Spirited Bodies

Double Exposure: Meeting my Match!

Stoke Nudington, Nude York or NuDelhi; this Summer is about stripping off.

Ursula had tried to contact me about modelling with Spirited Bodies – she is a life model, artist and performance poet. I had clearly been busy. Serendipity lined us up however as Ron double booked us yesterday and we got networking in the nude. The Portobello artists had a rare treat!

Carol finds the Henry Moore in us

getting comfy

A beautiful occasion we wanted to remember; a most auspicious meeting!

I found Ursula very relaxed and open, it was easy to feel cosy together straight away

We chatted a bit in pose, and got to planning some nude action!

It was wonderful to have some of that experience models at Spirited Bodies get through sudden yet somehow natural intimacy

The stillness and relative quiet sort of make up for what might otherwise feel unnatural, i.e. those conditions give you a chance to breathe and settle with the new company so close and nude

quick pose by Mike Down

Felt tip colour by Mike

Check out Ursula performing:

And here is one of her poems:

Poetry Extravaganza
Poetry Extravaganza
I write verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
I write to be free
I write to be me
Poetry for self-exploration
Words for my expression
Every letter
A part of the puzzle
That put the words together
Which make up the picture
Of what I want to say
Of what I feel
Deep down inside my soul
Of what I know by intuition
Of my work which comes to fruition
Poetry extravaganza
I write verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Now what is my intention?
What is the purpose of my exploration?
To talk about some secrets of my soul
To communicate the depth within us
To make us remember our dreams
And what we wish for
What we desire, long and yearn for
And what we know
And how we can live in unity
How we can live happily and be free
Poetry extravaganza
Word for word
Sentence by sentence
Line by line
We write our liberation
With letters and punctuation
And recite them with intention
We sing
Verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Poetry extra
Poetry extravaganza
Chapter and verse
Each chapter a verse
We write
Verse by verse
Stanza by stanza
Poetry
Extra-vaganza! © Ursula troche, 5. 2011
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Project Unbreakable, & Walking the Walk

Today I visited Sylvie who modelled at our recent event. She has described how participating has lined up with her own journey of transformation (http://spiritedbodies.com/2012/02/12/little-pieces-of-me-by-sylvie-rouhani/) with regard to healing from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. She recently started her own blog for her art and poetry, and felt inspired when through the world of blogging she came across ‘Project Unbreakable’. Started by Grace Brown in the US, it is for survivors of sexual abuse to come out perhaps, by means of being photographed with a sign stating a quote of their abuser.

Sylvie’s powerful idea is to take part in the next Spirited Bodies – on 21st March at Telegraph Hill Festival – and make such a sign for herself for the occasion. When nude she will pose with the sign at least for a photograph to send to Grace to join the thousands that Grace receives. We don’t know if anyone has done this nude before, but it seems to make a lot of sense, since such difficult experiences can affect the way we feel about our bodies in a huge way. It may be quite subtle, yet highly destructive, making someone ashamed of themselves somehow. To confront this issue any which way how is surely empowering for any soul. In some pictures the person is not identifiable, the face not visible, but it is the act which demonstrates strength, and solidarity since many others are participating.

I am getting a sense that our upcoming event is about healing the heart. I felt upset when following the joy of the last event, an issue about photographs possibly spoilt some people’s experience. I never want that to happen again; it goes against the whole ethos of Spirited Bodies. In future if there is photography I will communicate much more clearly with every model about that in advance, and take pains to stage any photos taken so that no one is upset.

There was a flip-side to the mishap, in that some models who had not been so keen on being seen in a photo, once they saw the results, did change their minds remarkably, especially in the light of the unexpected levels of joy they experienced when participating. The photograph was a happy memory. But for any who trusted us less afterwards, I am sorry. Overall it was a valuable lesson.

One of Alex B's images from 'The Drawing Theatre', Spirited Bodies

Living and learning must be key. And fate gave me a suitable nod shortly after the photograph debacle. Having been body painted by my friend Caroline Young for the Paradise Jam in Broxbourne on 16th February, with one particular glitter tattoo on my back, I then had occasion to model nude on a catwalk in London Fashion Week for a hat designer on the 21st. The tattoo still intact, press photographers snapped my bottom avidly which was highlighted by the glitter. It, minus the hat, made it to page 3 of the Metro the next day much to my and Caroline’s delight!

Robyn Coles, the designer, fared better with her other models for her campaign, who served her purpose better from the front. A pregnant glamour model glowed sensationally, and Alex B strutted regally, amongst our number.

Backstage at the show I did not feel a big sense of belonging. I was not uncomfortable about my body, in fact the opposite. We had been told ‘basic make-up’, and I wore none. I think it is that I struggle to get excited about fashion and that showed. I did enjoy the catwalking however, which was to the tune of Lana Del Rey‘s ‘Born to Die’. Reckon body painting is more my thing!

I enjoyed posing with Caroline Young's body paint - photo by Alex Eve

Back in Drama School, at Rose Bruford 8 years ago I made a piece of theatre about facing demons of the past. I asked an old friend to take part as his story was powerful and had moved me. He portrayed in some theatrical form his tale of childhood sexual abuse. He said it was cathartic to stand up and perform this painful part of his past. To come out and say it, and actually be real on stage, in front of strangers. The audience were young and they laughed at first, but in the end we felt victorious for doing the performance project our way. In a way that felt most meaningful.

He said recently that he has gotten much reward over the years from connecting with other survivors who have had similar experiences. Once they have reached a certain stage in processing the damage, there is something about them which resonates clearly as they lack a more usual layer of bullshit apparent in so many people. They appreciate the value of things, life, better perhaps. And processing one’s struggle with others is part of what stops the damage from being heavily internalised. The easiest way, he points out, for the abuse cycle to continue and be passed on by one who has been abused becoming an abuser him/herself, is to not truly connect with others about the matter.

What I find becoming apparent is, 20 odd years ago there seemed to be a minority of victims, but now a growing awareness suggests  more likely a majority. So by joining up with Project Unbreakable for example, there is a strength in numbers. A knowledge of being far from alone. A power to let potential and actual aggressors know that they may be outflanked.

The next Spirited Bodies will welcome survivors and those who want to support them. Life modelling in a group can be healing in various capacities, and I will focus on this aspect of the event to drive it forwards.

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What Drives me towards my Goals, & the Healing Hands of Alessandra Malaspinal

My nigh on 5 month relationship with my boyfriend has allowed me to uncover many depths. It is his strong connection with my formative years that has fast-tracked our lurve and understanding. He seems to possess qualities which enable me to heal and flourish, and somehow I am filling in some sorely missed gaps for him too.

The other day, I realised I had spent too much time at his place, in his neighbourhood, which does necessarily bring back a few memories for me. I got angry and regretted it afterwards, but what I had spewed up did reveal to me so clearly what drives me.

He has unique capabilities in maintaining strong, solid friendships with some significant exes, and just all round good relations with several women in his life. He overall prefers the company of women, expressing the unlikely line that ‘they make more sense’! What I observe is that they trust him, don’t feel remotely inappropriately bothered by him. They can talk to him the way they might another woman, only any competitiveness is ruled out. Similar to the way gay men often make excellent female company.

Sometimes I find this state of affairs testing, though I also know that I may reap the best benefits from it. It can feel like they may have a tighter hold on him, rousing my jealousy, though it’s not the case. More that I am still a bit unused to this dynamic, and to sharing him thus. I am aware that he is protected, loved, by several women who adore him; what a way to keep me in line!

My own history of being far too involved with one man in my life and not having enough time for friends, is thrown into sharp relief. I want to open up now to have more close friends, and for the first time in a long time, to bring my friends towards knowing each other.

So what I realised when I had a recent outburst, is I had left a group of old friends over a decade ago, because I hadn’t been able to process and talk about my negative experiences with anyone around, save the man in my life at the time. What was troubling me inside I did not feel I could share with any of the other mates, where light-hearted banter was the norm. At least, I did not find the right outlet with anyone else, so my boyfriend bore the brunt. When that relationship ended, I had no emotional means to maintain active friendships within the group. I found a new boyfriend, and migrated socially, in a way repeating the same experience. This migration pattern occurred twice; each new relationship lasting around 5 years. By the end I was quite lonely, yet recently through Spirited Bodies I gained confidence, and felt ready to get back in touch with some old friends of my youth. Indeed, an astrological reading from over a year before had mentioned that I needed to ‘find’ my friendship group, as I was far too lonely! I had knocked on a few doors I suppose, but nothing felt right until I went back to the old ones. That is to say that completing a circular journey which brought me home to old friends, has also allowed newer friendships to acquire more grounded substance.

With my boyfriend now, I was jealous, of other women who took his and other platonic friendship for granted, which I struggle with. I bitched that they hadn’t been there for me all those years ago. It’s irrelevant now. How many friends was I not there for when I was too young to know any better? What does make sense is that my relative loneliness drove me forwards to create something new, as well as to reach out to others in a gesture of inclusivity. When I heard a friend complaining of a woman she did not like, who some years ago had been violent towards her and is part of a larger group of friends, in fact accepted by some of her friends, I found myself wanting to give the woman a chance – never having met her I could not judge her. Who knew why she had been in the bad place my friend had had the mischance to encounter? Particularly women I want to be ready to listen to. This woman may not be as privileged as some of the female friends that my friend is accustomed to. Privilege here refers not only to wealth, but also access to loving support.

What the above does omit is all sorts of other reasons I wandered into a wilderness; like needing a new lifestyle, and the recognition that slowly I would be harmonising relations with my biological family, and that that would have to happen before I could sort anything else out. I am far from alone in taking a meandering path. What drives me comes from earlier origins too, naturally.

Loving the Long-term Relationship

This propensity towards the long-term relationship just seems to attract more of the same. Despite all sorts of unfavourable conditions, I see now how the LTR has stood me in good stead. I have a nose for them; my support networks have not before been set up to cope with the single life. I work to redress that imbalance now, not in order to be single, but so that my relationship may last longer and grow richer.

Hardwired in me is a 7th sense for a sustained, engaging and emotional relationship. I don’t even think about it – my body tells me where to go. I volunteered to pose naked for my present boyfriend before I even knew why! My mind created other motives which weren’t without content… then I stopped eating and sleeping a while… girlfriends warned me at first fearing some danger, then later when my concentration failed to return from the ether, they told me to go to him.

Once the connection has been established, I am confident – even after a honeymoon may have dipped, that I can work through whatever I have to so that love builds, a snowball gathering momentum! Of course finding the right man to do that with is what keeps this blessing buzzing.

an advertising agency pays for its employees to learn to draw

A friend who took part in Spirited Bodies 2, Julia, brought a friend with her.  Alessandra took well to modelling and found it liberating as a woman approaching middle age. It brought out some of her natural vivaciousness and she did excel. Sadly the reality is that a woman her age is less likely to be booked than me, I mean she would likely have to go the extra mile to promote herself. Unless you are blessed with some unique physical feature, more averagely shaped women are less likely to get work as they age. I have learnt this through the SB project, and now hold off informing would-be models that work is guaranteed. I am a slim, bendy physical theatre performer who can stand on one leg for 15 minutes. Being in my mid 30s is not a problem. It might be for another woman.

Thankfully Alessandra has many talents, and one she is developing is the skill of transmitting energy to others by healing with reiki. Since meeting each other she has been practising on me, and on occasion I have taken the opportunity to draw her. It has been a fantastic way to get to know her. While I lie down, eyes closed, she holds hands above me, or sometimes lightly touching my skin. I feel warm, tingly sensations and relish a chance to concentrate on breathing. I let go of tension and appreciate her time immensely.

Bella Ragazza