warming up

I like to Feel the changes, so I cannot move fast. I cannot rush to the beat of the removal men; just casually pack, undo, peel blu tac. I am riding a wave of satisfaction, because this move has been waiting so long; so many unstable periods of properties viewed only to disappoint.
Everything had to line up and now I’m ready. Well almost. Quite a few cupboards still to expunge! Mementos to reconsider, the view to contemplate another time. I have loved this room and loved in it too. I have lived here in bliss and in confusion; and I have grown too, into a model for artists, as well as becoming more of an artist myself. It’s confidence first, just to say this is what I am going to do, no matter the odds, and I will not be doing anything else. who is to say if I am good? It matters to me just that I am growing.
I observe energies more closely now, when I work. I know which man in a large group is most intent on me physically; not because he wants ME, but because he thinks he is the cutest (and he might be), and because I am standing naked, and hormonally there is a quiet rage going on beneath my surface. When I feel like this, then that is the energy I pick up on most readily. I notice other men, maybe interested but not imagining they would ever try with me, so not really focusing that way. Of course they may not be looking, but quite a few are. It’s not arrogance, just nature. I may be 10 years their senior, but not so old, and they may discern (correctly) that I am experienced and not shy, and given the right circumstances, who knows what might be possible! But it’s not on my agenda now, just observation.

pisces, pisces rising

I’m at The Friendly Inn giving my feet a rest after standing for sculpture. Young animators moulded me in maquettes on figure irons as I turned. To see them pinch my breasts and smooth my thighs into shape I averted my gaze embarrassed. It was the older sculptress who got my shoulders right and then I recognised me.
How my feet were strained – sometimes clamping into contorted distortion, I knocked them back into shape periodically.
One young man clearly saw something else in me; he shaped horns on my head and a long curly tail. I smiled knowingly and later he shyly removed the extras.
I’m dining alone conversing with myself as I warm up. Images of horses in motion abound in this restaurant, maybe that’s why I’m eating so fast. The last tiger year has been an upheaval, and the purring cat albeit metal feels welcome.
80s music pipes me into a dream fit to carry me home on two wheels through a very cold night. I use my robe as a scarf to keep warmth in and the smile on my face.