warming up

I like to Feel the changes, so I cannot move fast. I cannot rush to the beat of the removal men; just casually pack, undo, peel blu tac. I am riding a wave of satisfaction, because this move has been waiting so long; so many unstable periods of properties viewed only to disappoint.
Everything had to line up and now I’m ready. Well almost. Quite a few cupboards still to expunge! Mementos to reconsider, the view to contemplate another time. I have loved this room and loved in it too. I have lived here in bliss and in confusion; and I have grown too, into a model for artists, as well as becoming more of an artist myself. It’s confidence first, just to say this is what I am going to do, no matter the odds, and I will not be doing anything else. who is to say if I am good? It matters to me just that I am growing.
I observe energies more closely now, when I work. I know which man in a large group is most intent on me physically; not because he wants ME, but because he thinks he is the cutest (and he might be), and because I am standing naked, and hormonally there is a quiet rage going on beneath my surface. When I feel like this, then that is the energy I pick up on most readily. I notice other men, maybe interested but not imagining they would ever try with me, so not really focusing that way. Of course they may not be looking, but quite a few are. It’s not arrogance, just nature. I may be 10 years their senior, but not so old, and they may discern (correctly) that I am experienced and not shy, and given the right circumstances, who knows what might be possible! But it’s not on my agenda now, just observation.

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