To celebrate the easing of lockdown here in the UK, Steve and I took a train to Shoeburyness to walk in the sun – the weather was on our side, and being a Monday, there weren’t crowds. We hadn’t been there in months, since the Summer perhaps, and we headed out towards the remote island of Foulness which is mostly inaccessible as occupied by the Ministry of Defense. We didn’t get that far however, as our usual walk along the beach was blocked off. It is also MOD land and never having been there on a Monday before, we didn’t realise it is only open at the weekend or after 5pm.
We continued our walk around Great Wakering instead, and enjoyed an ice lolly in the church graveyard. We stopped for a browse at the cute garden centre, and walked back along the sometimes pavementless roads towards the beach at Shoeburyness. There was an invitingly low branched tree on the way, which I couldn’t resist climbing in. Then up to the sea, which was a long way out, so we sat on a bench above the sand, watching a set of horseriders far away galloping across the sandy plain. To our left a fence cut off the main beach from the land which is off-limits for the MOD. It was a day when everything looked prettiest, gleaming in the sunshine. Even the long outstretching sand flats, because their little pools of water in between waves of wet sand, glistened brightly offsetting their shady counterparts.
My sleep had been curtailed the last couple of nights; because of the full moon I thought, and perhaps some early premenstrual tension. There is a sense of vulnerability in revealing oneself so readily in this blogging. Opening up, can be liberating; communicating; reaching out – but also somehow open to voices somewhere out there criticising. One has to be ready for that; let that be. Only my inner voice matters. I feel good to be creating and sharing regularly. I enjoy the challenge, and a little feedback. The sense of being more in communication with those who engage. I might not know who or when, but these things will emerge. There can be dialogue in unexpected ways. I feel it will help to manifest things which will be good for me, ultimately. By being expressive, letting the world know, where I am at.
It felt like a good day and place for another vlog. I love to be in beautiful natural places, and this is one I don’t get to all the time. What to say? I looked inside and I was reflecting on the blog post I had shared yesterday. About my 2016 performance art, and also perhaps more personally, about my approach to relationships – my pattern. This is the raw stuff. How it all begins. What happens inside me; how I operate, and what I am aware of. I was still thinking about this, and so I spontaneously shared to the camera a bit more about these thoughts. To do with my sexuality drive and how I think this was formed. The value I feel in my experience; what can feel unusual about it, as well as the risks. It felt like something worth sharing. It was a beautiful day by the seaside and I enjoyed the moment. I hope you do too! It is a light-hearted thing, but there is a heartfelt essence.
I also recently read about the asexuality movement, and it made me think how valuable that knowledge is, what those activists have to say.