art

When Life Models Gather ~ A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 3

Drawing from a Spirited Bodies life modelling workshop in Holborn, London, 2013

In a small seaside town on the coast of England, was an ambitious, older female model. She was quite large and working class. She loved her work and had done it for many years in her region. A dream of hers was to bring together life models in a group or gathering, and not just from close by to her. She had an idea about those models already, and was keen to stretch her net further and meet models from far away. From places where there was a huge variety of models and lots of younger ones too. When Facebook came along, it was an answer to her prayers, and soon she realised she could make a group there, at the end of 2009. She called it Life Models Only, and it was private – it needed to be, since some models wouldn’t join otherwise. In any case, they might be sharing nude drawings of themselves.

Drawing from the same workshop by Mike Flight; several models posing simultaneously

It was small to begin with, not reaching very far, but even this was a big step, simply joining up the models most local to her as well as a few of the more trusted artists. Some of the models were artists as well or married to artists so there was an organic way that people fitted into the group.

It wasn’t really until a couple of years later that some models from different counties and London had been grasped, and then the purpose of the group began to grow too. The conversations became more lively and you could tell that the contributors were really excited to be talking to one another for the first time. The leader, the woman who originated the group – let’s call her Leslie since I have lost touch with her – was extremely delighted by everyone’s interest and would tell the group how happy it made her to bring them together. What had begun as a handful of people, then settled at around 50 for a while, and now was over 100 and growing. It was 2012 and she had some of the most well known models in London there, who were also in the business of bringing models together. They knew lots of other models and kept adding people. For me there was a peak perhaps during that year when it was still very fresh, as well as 2013.

Leslie arranged gatherings at a venue local to her where a group of models from all over the country would pose together and be drawn by artists. Something similar had been organised in the North of England, though it wasn’t model-led. London Drawing were holding ‘The Drawing Theatre’ regularly which would involve a few models in theatrical tableaux in bigger venues. Art Macabre, originally ‘Death Drawing’, offered a gothic variety. Draw in Brighton held ‘The Drawing Circus‘, along similar lines but perhaps with more models, some being musicians, and on more of a collective-run basis. Spirited Bodies was in its heyday, organising multi-model extravaganzas including experienced and totally new models, mostly in London though we did also venture to Scotland. We held smaller workshops as well, such as the pictures are from, which were really for newcomers to try and learn how to model.

So there was this thriving, exciting, creative energy across the UK for experimenting, expanding and reaching new people with life drawing, and I have possibly missed out some projects! Certainly more emerged over the years, but these are what I remember from that time. Big events would attract models who travelled long distances to take part. It was a bit like the thrill of participating in a Spencer Tunick event, for that kind of person. We loved modelling per se; and we loved it even more in large groups. It was euphoric; like a rave, but with no drugs or loud music; just something purely natural and artistic. It was primal. All these different bodies feeling equal and accepted. Disabled people; their carers; people of all or as many ethnicities as possible; all genders; all expressions of humanity, all shapes and colours and ages; and on a common wavelength of art and body acceptance. It was glorious.

I remember the delight I felt at discussing matters of our modelling work with the Life Models Only group. This would also happen with ‘The List’* email group, where one found oneself eagerly awaiting others’ responses when something significant was under the models’ microscope of analysis. It made me feel empowered I think, with regard to my work and my rights. If something happened at a job which didn’t feel right, I could immediately let one of these groups know, whichever was most appropriate. I could receive others’ take on it and perhaps encouragement towards questioning whatever wasn’t sitting well. It gave one power to be able to say to an organiser, “This isn’t how other groups operate”, to be able to tell them real examples of how other places dealt with situations.

* see A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 1 and A Story of Life Modelling ~ part 2

When exactly Life Models Only became so large that it ceased to be a place where conversations felt intimate and safe, I can’t recall now, perhaps around 2014 – 2015. It felt out of control so I stopped tuning in. Other groups had emerged on Facebook and sometimes for a while that initial excitement would be there if something juicy came up. Leslie enjoyed having created an empire and all the attention it brought her. It would attract different jobs and opportunities to her and the group. Art projects which might not be paid but were fun. She met lots of new people. There was a cross-over with people who were naturists, and some of those were also into sexual freedom. This was a new arena for Leslie and she was a very curious person, open to discovering new avenues to explore.

At some point, her judgement seriously lapsed, because some of the men in the group had a predator nature that needed to be managed (and kicked out). Their inappropriate advances were not what other life models appreciated, and exactly the sort of thing, experience has shown us has to be kept in check in such groups online. The delicate matter was, for Leslie, these men represented a fun opportunity, while for other women they were a pest. I have to say, her naiveté aside, and inability to dance such a nuanced line, I also have compassion for how her experience as an older, larger woman exploring her sexuality later in life was her priority. Didn’t I get the chance to do that when I was young? Did I take for granted being found attractive? Hadn’t I known in my bones since I was a teenager that it was imperative for me to try lots of things out. To have different partners and see what was possible and push my boundaries. I salute anyone choosing that journey at any time in life, and even more so when they are older. That’s how you find out what you like, or it’s a way to do so. It’s not for everyone, but if it calls you, go follow. Nothing is simply good or bad, and while many of us would readily banish those pesty men, for her, they were her chance. Surely such unions ought to be encouraged where all parties are happy to be at the party.

That said, the group became a car crash, taken over by what to most people felt like a sleazy cartel. Not a pleasant place to be, certainly not what it had originally been. It was entertaining at best, if you looked on in detached incredulity. It may or may not have worked for Leslie in the end, it was hard to tell since matters spiralled way beyond any sane intervention. Such was the demise of Life Models Only which went out in a fiery blaze in late 2017, along with at least one other group, also infiltrated by the wrong people. This is a cautionary tale which I share because it is easily forgotten yet contains important messages. It’s not about Leslie’s folly, or all the bad people. It’s about when our passions exceed our awareness of others, and how overall, the experience of being part of what she created, allowed some of us to learn from it.

So a new life model group on Facebook was created which still goes, (though it is only London wide) and led by someone who had experience of all these forerunners, thus the aforementioned mistakes are mitigated against thoroughly. It seems it is quite a rare person in the scene who has the time, awareness and inclination to manage one of these groups. The group feels safe, but where we are now in 2025, and how many years it has been running, it contains 3.5 thousand members, so long gone are the days of natural, easy, intimate connection. For that I tend towards the people I already know. Maybe one day I will rediscover a smaller space as well, where people can connect in a safe group of optimum size.

The complexity of Leslie’s circumstance sheds light on the very sensitive matters pertaining to the holding of groups of people who practice nudism in some form, even as life models. They can be a magnet for men or people who seek sexual fulfilment/connection, or intimacy, and that may be hidden behind their front as a model or artist. While the full blown manifestation of this is generally inappropriate in the life drawing scene; in essence, it isn’t strange or wrong. By that I mean the energetic impulse of attraction and connection. It is actually natural; what is a problem is when it manifests in a predatory manner.

It is normal that we want to explore that part of ourselves and find others to do so with who may share an artistic interest. The nakedness in life modelling is an access point for sensing sexuality; we literally display our sex. Very often, the way these energies may be explored in the life drawing scene, is extremely subtle and in fact entirely unspoken. It may be a flirt but not necessarily with an individual; rather with a whole group, or platform. The response may be a drawing and a friendship. Truly it’s an incredibly healthy place to experience and share creative energies, where nothing physical beyond the posing generally takes place.

It’s a positive, uplifting feeling of sharing our naked selves with others, and being appreciated. It engenders moods and sensations of all manner of human experience, which goes much further than sexuality alone. This extraordinary exchange of energies can go a very long way; and for some, it takes the place of intimate partnership. It’s a favoured alternative. It means they can enjoy multiple attractions, without the complications of deeper entanglement! I think it’s pretty advanced as a life strategy, if that’s your thing. I also think it’s important to say that how we conduct ourselves is very pertinent. We must behave impeccably, or it will be detected easily, amongst such a sensitive crowd. Intent that crosses a line, even if it is only felt, will be noticed. Our true essence ideally resonates harmoniously with the others in the group. It’s about self awareness, and not projecting our desires onto others unduly.

There’s also the matter of distinguishing between very different scenes. There may be some nudity in common; but the norms, behaviours, vibes and expectations are completely different. It’s true that scenes can vary and encompass a variety of shades – like the swingers among the naturists; or erotic life drawing within life drawing as a whole. But these sexier strands are clearly demarcated subcultures.

I have shared drawings from a Spirited Bodies workshop in 2013 which was held at a community centre in Holborn, central London. Several people were learning how to model, practising different poses. There was an older couple among the group who were coming to terms with the woman’s loss of eye sight and mobility. They were very sweet as was the whole group who were wonderfully supportive of each other, and diverse. Artists captured them in a variety of ways. Beautiful memories.

These ‘Story of Life Modelling’ posts began on the Newington Green Life Drawing site.

Story of Life Modelling ~ part 2

Portrait of Lucy

It might have been Pratts (most excellent name for a life drawing group ever) in Twickenham where I saw Lucy first, if not The Mall Galleries, as we posed from opposite ends of the hall. I saw her before I spoke with her. Across the room, the largest model I’d ever seen, by far. A completely different animal to me, sprawling majestically along the bench. She was quite loud too; I could hear her negotiating her pose with the artists, or explaining it. And she laughed, she was jolly. I could tell she meant business and had plans for me, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be involved so I didn’t come forth at first. She was approaching with a notebook and pen and I sensed that she wanted my contact details and to do something awkward like connect! Although I was about 30 I was still pretty shy socially in certain settings, my work place included. I could give it all in the poses, but I didn’t need to make friends yet… We were surely very different and I was trying to write a play.

As I spelt out my email address to her she was adding it to a list. There were quite a few already on the scrap of paper which was nestled in her pad. Where did she find them and how long had she been collecting them? What was she going to do with it? It might have been a few months later I received her newsletter. It was long and rambling and I think she’d suffered from a lengthy uncomfortable pose with a dubious organiser. She wanted to share her experience with us, random models who probably didn’t know each other. She was gathering us in person too, only I couldn’t make it. These emails would appear and she would offer up tutors’ contact details, though I don’t remember following any of them up. I was already well booked, and learnt early that jobs which approached me directly tended to work out better for me than when I wrote to them.

Over time however, the value of this list resource became apparent to all of us. If one became ill, or needed to attend a rehearsal, a quick email could solve one’s inability to fulfil a commitment personally. You could tailor it – ‘slim dynamic female model needed to cover me!’ Luckily for me this category is well catered for amongst life models, and I came to know who was best suited. The trick was finding someone who the artists wouldn’t prefer… as that was something the list couldn’t legislate for. Not only have you let the group down, but also the stand-in is better! That probably happened to all of us at some stage, as well as conversely being the favoured stand-in. Equally important was that the stand-in was reliable and didn’t upset the group (unless you didn’t really like them of course). So the list had to be quality controlled. Tricky situations included being ill and the only available model is nothing like you. They go along to the job, and they receive a comment which could be racist. Obviously being white, I hadn’t experienced that from those people (though could imagine it, it’s not totally out of place). It becomes necessary to ditch that group, but the racism isn’t clear-cut enough that you can easily out them publicly. It was a flavour of what other models may more often encounter.

Collage and painting of Lucy

Round the corner from Heatherleys was a tower block estate on the edge of Chelsea. There was a squat inside where Brazilian circus artists and migrants who did not have the right to work in the UK lived. They made excellent models for the ladies who lunch, and Chelsea folk refining their drawing technique. A French male model was supplying drugs to the rest of the models, and one Autumn there was a climax of models breaking down and spinning out. The models were absent, collapsing and in a state of chaos. This energy of disruption was affecting the whole school, and while some students were deeply infatuated with their exotic muses, the uncertainty of the models’ presence pushing their artwork further, it couldn’t go on. Outside of the models’ clique who could tell who was behind it? A change in the system took time to embed in the school, necessitating longstanding models to reapply for the job, submitting various forms and official documents (actually this happened at all the colleges over a number of years). By the end of that process drug sharing was no longer so rampant, and the model pool was less interesting; more limited. Even among those who were legal, the job became less desirable. To maintain the former edge required finding different work, as yet unscathed by an increasingly intrusive bureaucracy.

This description of that earlier cohort of models (predating ‘The List’ in fact) highlights how applying excessive red tape to art schools and departments affected life on the ground. I was around just early enough to experience the different species we used to be. When we were edgier and less acceptable, we came from underground, on the fringes of society. We were unafraid to be strange, in fact committed to it. We were exiles and runaways, freaks who embraced our eccentricity. What became a nice job for people who were already quite comfortable, once nudity wasn’t so demonised, had previously been the domain of the brave and the unusual. Some of the pool hasn’t changed; we’ve always been actors and dancers or artists ourselves. And I am not being negative about the changes; I helped to create them. I think it’s good that more people have the chance to try our profession and explore themselves that way. I like that nudity becomes more acceptable – and we still have a long way to go.

Different currents coexist; while many of us are more comfortable with our bodies, others are swept up in pursuing an eternal youth, fed by late capitalist overdrive, if not sunken in self loathing, very distant from loving their own form. Multicultural inclusivity in fact threatens areas of our liberation, whilst a real fear of perverts escalates the problem. The hope is that we realise part of what makes our land so desirable, is our cultural freedom and openness to accept diversity. We welcome you in all your magnificence, and reciprocity is the only appropriate response. Of course I’m not speaking of the cruder elements encroaching – the far right becoming popular. However naïve I have faith in the light and will always follow it. The news does not have an interest in how many of us are waking up to love ourselves more, and it is this powerful drive which may turn the tide on the negative influences still besetting us.

Regardless of the bureaucratic shift, our culture permits personal exploration and individuation. This is really important. I don’t fully know why, but in some other countries it seems people are less willing to stand out and evolve themselves. Perhaps their laws and systems reflect this, but it’s also part of their national psyche. The possibility of pursuing art in later life, whether you initially trained in it when you were young or not, is so vital for growth. Freeing ourselves from the idea that only people who are naturally gifted may create art, is also key. Letting go of judging ourselves too harshly comes into it, and actually pervades an awful amount of our lives. Being open to making a mess and having fun is vital, whether through an artform, cooking, or walking in the woods. Leaving behind the straitjacket of social convention needs to happen if we are to expand into our greatest version of ourselves. Extricating ourselves from herd mentality and instead being ready to follow our individual callings is where the magic happens. To know what that calling is you oftentimes have to slow and quiet down, listen inwards. That voice is there but you must give it the right conditions.

lines drawn on Lucy’s face whilst posing for sculpture at Kensington & Chelsea college

Long before the rise of fashionable life drawing in recent years, there were ever groups of older (and sometimes not so old!) people round the UK meeting up to draw nudes. On a Tuesday morning in suburbia, or a Wednesday afternoon in the home counties; wherever it is be it church hall or community centre, someone’s garage or above a pub… this has been going on for decades! It crosses the class system I was delighted to find. Working class artists are at it just as much, even if fewer of them may afford the likes of Heatherleys or other traditional art schools. In these groups, the social aspect is valuable too. It’s about community and what makes life worth living. Older members die off and new ones must be recruited, so the group is open to those who haven’t done art before but would like to try now. Not always, but I do see that.

The models have always been very international, it’s part of our pedigree and makes us more interesting. We bring more relaxed attitudes, or escape authoritarian ones. We feel freer to express ourselves on foreign soil, away from family judgement. Being secular is what makes British life so available. Over the years I have been friends with several models, British and from elsewhere. Sometimes an assumption pervades that being born British life must be easier for one, but I don’t think it’s so simple. Often those who make it here from elsewhere are strong to have made that move. Whether they escaped, or chose a culturally advantageous location, there is strength in upping roots to make a new life in another country. Many people can’t, and I know I was limited in my earlier years by such predicaments. From addiction to being caught in abusive relationships, these circumstances hold one back, wherever you are.

Being a model can be a leveller, a means by which a new arrival to the UK may obtain work easily, without knowing much of the language, and purely by the magnetism of their character, ability to turn up on time and hold still, play on a reasonably level playing field with their British sisters and brothers. Most of my model colleagues have been foreign, and from the EU, which has not become distant as was feared, since Brexit. Many pass through modelling on the way to something better paid and more specialised, as well as Motherhood. More arrive and emerge. We are constantly renewing!

This series of posts about my life modelling journey is also featured on the Newington Green Life Drawing group’s site.

A Story of Life Modelling – part 1

Portrait of me by Celia Montague at Heatherleys School of Fine Art in 2008

Back in 2007 I began life modelling for a handful of artists my sister put me in touch with. She had modelled as a student and handed her contacts over to me when she emigrated not long after leaving college. Peter Hall was and still is an artist and model who ran a few groups and his small friendly Vauxhall session was my first. After that I knew I could do it and was pretty good as well, even as a brand new model. I had trained in physical theatre and was working as a jobbing actor. In the past I’d worked in various states of undress in adult entertainment shall we say. I’d also learnt how to meditate a few years before. So making shapes whilst nude and holding still for an audience of artists was not a problem in the slightest, in fact very enjoyable.

Another contact was a watercolour life painting tutor at the CityLit college, so I got employment there, and also at Heatherleys School of fine art. Once I got acquainted with Heatherleys I realised this could be a full time job. It was very easy to quickly be booked there all day everyday and possibly evenings too, plus weekends. It wasn’t in one’s best interests for mental health to be there that much however*, and in any case there was plenty of other work coming in too from all sorts of directions. I hadn’t fully appreciated at the time how it happened that I became a life model just before an enormous upsurge in the popularity of life drawing was about to take place. It was intersecting with a few cultural zeitgeists all at once. The British taboo/fascination with nudity; a trend in the art world swinging back to embrace the tradition of life drawing; and a soon to be emerging movement for body acceptance as well as personal empowerment. Little did I know those last ones would be very significant for my career in a few years.

Other factors affording the incredible proliferation of the life drawing scene in the UK since about 2009, include a flexible bureaucracy enabling people to easily start up their own groups – to hire spaces and book models. Such a system does not exist in France or some other places on the continent for example, so even though they have very important art centres, there are curbs on innovation and the pursuing of individual projects. I have always valued that relatively relaxed state of play we have, making it possible to realise one’s dreams in quite simple ways. It was even more relaxed when I first began as at that time, an undocumented migrant could work as a life model in many of the institutions who still paid cash. That has changed. There are also more safeguarding procedures now in art centres making it incumbent on organisers and models to have certain certificates, whether DBS for working with children or vulnerable adults; or public liability insurance; sometimes for first aid; as well as getting any electrical equipment safety checked.

From 2010 life models began to get together in a Facebook group called Life Models Only. It was very exciting, the first time we were connecting with each other not only with other models in the same city, but across the UK and sometimes from other parts of the world. A tandem group for life drawing artists and models which is still going is called LifeArt. That was always a very international space, but more artist led. Prior to and alongside the Facebook groups some of the London models had been gathered together in an email group by model Lucy Saunders. I met her at The Mall Galleries (Hesketh Hubbard) since they would book 4 models each Friday evening. She was keen that we should join up, share jobs, and organise to raise the pay and improve conditions. A union!

She arranged meetings in person as well, and shared life model news via her newsletter. We would offer jobs to ‘The List’ as it was known if we couldn’t make them ourselves. It was extremely helpful, and we could warn each other too, if an artist had crossed a line, which was generally an experience that female models faced. It wasn’t commonplace, but it did happen sometimes, and then having these groups was instrumental. Once we were on social media, it was possible to effect change almost immediately. It wasn’t such a big scene, so if someone was misbehaving, soon everyone would know.

More often it was to warn of a venue which was particularly cold, or didn’t offer enough breaks! Or the changing space was unsafe, or the artists demanded very challenging poses unsuitable to the model. In this way we would learn about each others’ circumstances, and how the job was a bit different for another kind of model. For example, some gigs were only booking female models, and some were only booking dancers or slim young female models. Others loved more variety. There were fewer fat models so they could be more in demand, but some places didn’t want them. There was a scarcity of models of colour, apart from a few main players including Morimda and Matthew who were both long time black models. It was very difficult to find Asian models.

It was towards the end of 2010 I received an email from Morimda, who was creating an art project where life modelling would be used as a tool to empower women regarding their body image. She wanted Lucy to be on board since she was a big networker, and she invited me as well, as I was also very experienced and articulate, and importantly online (at that time some of the old school models eschewed social media). We were going to put on an event at The Mall Galleries and invite 20 women to take part as models for their first time. The artists were up for the challenge. We would guide the new models regarding how to pose. In the end only 9 women took part, but even that was a considerable number of people to have modelling simultaneously. It was a wonderful sight to behold and I felt very proud of our achievement. We had prepared all the women in advance, and monitored their progress afterwards by staying in touch. Some became regular models. It was an overall success, only Morimda had had to back out of much of the organising in the run up. I did a lot of it myself and with Lucy. Truly it brought out something in me which hadn’t previously had an outlet; some kind of ability to lead and guide. I immersed myself in the project and it felt very rewarding. Morimda had to let go of it after the first event for personal reasons and she asked me to take it on, which I gladly did. The project was called Spirited Bodies and it is not exaggerating to say that it changed my life. That is another story for another post!

Sketch from the first Spirited Bodies event in November 2010 at The Mall Galleries, by John Sutton

This post also features on and in fact was requested originally by Newington Green Life Drawing group for their blog.

Reflections

This term I am modelling a fair bit at Hampstead School of Art, which is a lovely art school in north west London. A super friendly place which feels like a family under the enthusiastic and loving care of Anat and Isobel. I am there all day on Thursdays for sculpture classes with Patricia Barker who makes beautiful stone carving work (the classes are in clay). On Saturdays I model for a life class with art writer, speaker and artist Estelle Lovatt, and a portrait class with artist John Murphy-Woolford. After half term my schedule changes, and I will get five classes a week.

The following drawings are by students in Estelle’s class. She set up the pose with a mirror (and skeleton) for an interesting reflection. I love the variety of responses, these are just a few. It was a meditative pose as I look through the window at the big tree in the garden, becoming greener and fuller each week of the emergent Spring.

At some point in the winter, I think half term in February, I called into the school after swimming at the pond on Hampstead Heath, to ask for work. My mobile phone no loner makes (or receives) ordinary calls which definitely constitutes a reason for replacing it. The truth is I kind of enjoy being creative about getting round this matter (it otherwise works). Anat welcomed me – after several years’ absence. I had been put off by the long journey in rush hour, however under the correcting influence of universal credit, I was thinking ahead to the summer term, which can be quieter for modelling. Plus, in the intervening years I have developed a passion for regular cold water swimming, particularly on Hampstead Heath. This alignment was bound to zing in Summer when the ponds are open late enough for a dip post work. Anat snapped me up, happy to fill in diary blanks with someone the tutors know well.

Hampstead School of Art is a short walk from the West Heath with the beautiful Pergola raised walking platform looking over the landscape between hanging flowers and branches twisted around the stone structure. Further on the animals in Golders Hill park call from their cages, but I continue my walk through the woods to the East Heath to get my pond fix. As I arrive into the woodland after a long day of six hours modelling plus the morning journey and lunch, I can feel my energy expanding into the sprawling foliage, relaxing in all directions. Into the curling, reaching branches, fluffy blossom, dense lower bushes, tangles of roots under foot. The birdsong eases a tension I have been holding yet was unaware of, so I slow down. I feel like I have arrived home. I don’t always swim; sometimes I prefer simply sitting and walking or lying on the heath. It is my medicine.

Like a good school child I feel reassured after my universal credit six month interview in Forest Hill. He says I’ve done well; he can tell I’m making an effort and increasing my workflow. He is my work coach and we have a comfortable, friendly rapport. I’m relieved by his reaction; and I get a sense I am making his life a bit easier, giving him a chance to show his warmth. He got a bit embarrassed at our first meeting, asking to see my website. Instagram I explained, is really where it’s at, but it’s full of naked drawings of me so we bypassed that option.

This time he tells me many of the arts professionals he sees are really struggling, but I seem to be on track, doing fine. He wants to see my receipts and is impressed by all the train journeys to jobs many miles away – Guildford, Wokingham, Harpenden… I let him know I am using this universal credit experience to my advantage, that it’s helping me to focus. To notice what is working in my life. That I even applied for a completely different job which I didn’t get, but that I tried and I did want it. That would have been working at my beloved pond, a pretty ordinary job, yet at a place I love. My CV however shows that I haven’t done anything outside of the arts for well over 20 years. When asked questions at the interview about tricky situations with the public, I was really searching way back for examples of my response. My hesitation spoke loudly, and I could imagine the hot irritable crowds, and my art brain trying to be creative, when sheer decisive action may be required. It’s surely nicer to keep the pond as my swimming haven, not muddied by internal politics and cleaning duties… My work coach made his kind assessment in under 15 minutes though the appointment was for an hour.

During the week I met with my friend Limor to help her rehearse her show, ‘Mermaid in the Heart’, and that was a very sweet exchange which reignited my love of collaboration. It can get lonely working on one’s one person show, filling out all the applications, being alone in rehearsal. It dawned on me to invite Limor to perform her show at my next gig – at The Crypt Gallery in a month, since I would need help anyway, and this way we can help each other. The gig won’t be confirmed till a week before so selling advance tickets is a bit squeezed. Having two of us can make it more fun.

Here is Limor amidst her outdoor dressing area; and the pond at Twinkle park.

Her show is about mythical creatures as archetypes within her, and she has many simple costumes to distinguish them, as well as voices and physicality. We rehearsed in the Twinkle Park in Deptford and Limor hung her costumes on some branches. Being in nature I noticed, suits her performance, and remembered that the Crypt also has a garden. She made me laugh and I loved her lightness as she played inside the different characters occupying her head. It made me aware of how serious I can be! I need this. We’ll meet regularly to prepare. Last year we were here in this park in the Summer, preparing an application which didn’t get picked. We need each other – we need fellow wacky middle-aged theatre/art buddies who make performances that only we perform. A strange unique breed.

‘Enchantment at the Crypt’ will be on Saturday 24th May from 5pm – 7:30pm with two performances, each of an hour, one from her and one from me. If we are bumped from the Crypt and the weather is good, we’ll find somewhere outdoors near us in Brockley or Deptford, south east London.

Here is Limor as an angelic butterfly fairy during her recent performance at Russia Dock, close to where she lives by the river near Surrey Quays.

How Can You Support Me? / Coming Off the Roof!

I have been thinking about how I could make it easy for people to support my work. Joining Patreon is an option, though I’m less drawn to monthly offerings as I don’t think it suits my pattern. I’d rather foster individual relationships with supporters who really dig my work, and arrange with each how to make that rewarding for both sides. Sometimes people want to be a part of some of the creative process, and that would mean a lot to them. I’m thinking a few good supporters or even realistically one or two would work well for me. It’s not the sort of thing you necessarily advertise for; they may organically emerge. Personal connection is very important with my work. That said, I’d happily negotiate smaller exchanges as well which are not necessarily ongoing. This post is about my current work; an update on where I am at; how I support myself; and how you could be involved. I haven’t blogged for a few years so there’s a lot of ground to cover! I hope to share more blogs from now on about my process, so you can get a sense of my practice. Writing about some of my life which is pertinent has always been part of my oeuvre.

I have some performances coming up – Deptford X Festival on 24th July, plus a gig at The Crypt Gallery in Euston suggested as 24th May (tbc). Others may also line up but are not ready to be mentioned. It’s way too early for my above shows to be on either site.

For Deptford X, this is not funded, but I can ask for donations. Likewise with the Crypt. I will put energy into preparing the work, which will probably be the same show for both performances. The venues are considerably different however, and if it were possible I would love to work with a sound artist at The Crypt which is a unique and atmospheric space. That could be essentially a percussionist, or perhaps more appropriate would be a digital soundscape maker. It would suit someone who feels drawn to situating their sounds in the Victorian vaults underneath a church. Stone, arched corridors; crumbling tombs, dark alcoves.

The show I have applied to bring to Deptford X is ‘From the 7th Layer‘. I plan a little remake for it, to keep up with where I am at now. They are primarily a visual arts festival, so I will provide drawing materials for the audience. I don’t pay for venue space (a pub room at the very friendly The Royal Albert) for this one or the Crypt. The latter is a gift from an employer/colleague who runs the Crypt and because it will be free, I won’t be able to confirm the date until about a week before.

With Deptford X, it’s a great way to be part of my local arts scene. The festival has a longstanding legacy of being supported by the Arts Council, so being included in their programme can feel positive for one’s CV. Funding however is not available for me there as I am not a minority*. I am fortunate to live in such a culturally rich area. On the funding side of things I will use my ingenuity!

* Sometimes I tick the neurodivergent box, and because it’s a self-identifying trait, who can tell? When I read a list of characteristics they all felt very familiar. However, being very optimistic and always enjoying what is different about me, I never sought any diagnosis (there are some conditions like autism which do determine neurodivergence). I don’t see it as a problem, just positive to be thinking and feeling in creative ways. Plus I guess, I am pretty functional.

Your support, your money and offerings in kind, may buy me time to do my art or otherwise assist me to further it. I make my life work independently, but extra costs like an impending dental bill, are unavoidable and harder to factor in. Doing too many hours as a life model is counter-productive as it may wreck my body, and the cost of restoring it is far higher than what I earn.

Apart from modelling and performing, I used to lead classes and could do again. I receive help with my rent – universal credit – but I am under pressure to make more money and accept any job. To that end I will probably be working a number of hours fairly soon doing something quite ordinary.

My expenses are relatively simple as I am not drawn to materialism. I don’t think it’s bad; it’s just not my style. My sense about wealth is it’s about personality and individual life purposes. We’re not all wired to be wealthy or even aspire to it. We have other things to do! My life is rich in myriad ways which are rarely about money. The trappings of considerable wealth turn me off, and when I spend time in a rich relative’s 4th home on a far flung peninsula on this planet, the high level security feels like a prison to me. I prefer to be more humble and value connecting with ordinary people. My ways are likely mutually alien to him. While this post doesn’t feel aimed at him, if he or anyone like that wants to be in touch, I am naturally open to it. What I can’t relate to, does spark my curiosity. To see someone enjoying their life, and living it to the full, with a lot of love as well as money, is inspiring, even if the details are strange to me.

My mobile phone is the same one I bought second hand five years ago. It still works and again, I don’t think everyone needs the latest tech. Rather than pay for broadband I tether, and I often find clothes on the street! (My neighbourhood is good for that). Generally I would rather be outdoors in wild nature than pay for an art institution’s subscription (sorry! Plus various friends have them.) Some people would say I flaunt a scarcity mindset, which I have considered but I don’t think it’s that. I truly enjoy simple things and even old fashioned ways. Seeing how people live in “developing” countries (or “emergent nations”) inspires me, and I think we have a lot more to learn from them than we may realise. That said many of them have newer phones than me! I have a rule about following my joy, my inner bliss, and that’s how I know I’m on the right track. Shopping centres repel me, but finding items on the pavement excites me!

Until recently I did have a more exciting life of world travel due to my ex-partner. It was my choice to leave what was a very good relationship. Yet something was missing. I had never been single for more than three to four months since I was 18. I was about to turn 48 and I had been single for less than a year in total in the last 30 years. I decided it was time to come off the roof* and see what happened.

*Coming off the roof is an expression in the Human Design modality, referring to the time in life around middle age for a particular type of person, of which I am apparently one. Such types may come into their own later in life, specifically after the small planet Chiron returns to its starting position when we are about 50 years old. Human Design is an elaborate form of astrology, mixed with the I Ching. There is also a sense of risk with coming off the roof, even as it is a strong pull. Will you grow wings and soar, or gently float; or will you fall and crash? Such people may be carving an untrodden path, and depending on where they are, the world around them may not be ready to catch. Anyway, it’s intensely complicated, but it did strike a chord, and long before I’d heard about it, I had a clear feeling that in order to develop myself further, I would need to be solo.

So I actively chose to let go of some abundance in my life on various levels – love, sex, affection, emotional support, friendship, wise counsel, material resources, travel, a residence outside of the capital, and the true list is far longer… because my internal compass was pointing in a new direction. If complete self individuation is my intention, I would need to stop being so in relation to another person. That feels profoundly correct, yet it is also deeply sad, and at times I can’t believe what I’ve done.

While it is a wrench, I am also very grateful we have been able to navigate the separation and maintain harmonious, respectful, loving appreciation for each other. That’s not exactly a first for me, but it is the first time I haven’t met anyone else, and I have almost zero interest in doing so. My inner guidance tells me I need at least a year, probably two or more, to just be with myself. I am unwinding not only from the last over nine years, but from the last 30 years of intimate partnership. That’s a lot of rewinding and looking within, recalibrating. Peri-menopause for me is a blessing allowing me the hormonal space to be single. For decades I was dominated by those chemicals. Finally I have a chance to be free. Maybe that’s my coming off the roof. There’s no one to catch me but I don’t need them anyway.

On the spiritual side, I can hear my guides much more clearly as a single person. There’s less interruption. I know I must instil that strong connection with them before all else. For the unfamiliar, guides are the mostly unseen beings accompanying each of us from another dimension. They connect us with a higher version of ourselves, and with pure love and light. Even if we don’t know it (or believe it) they are there. This is a belief system which even if it isn’t true, can radically enhance your existence! It aligns with quantum physics in that the multiverse means we exist simultaneously with other versions of ourself. By choosing to focus on our highest potential, we may redirect ourselves in this life. (I’ve forgotten which film that is the plot of.) You don’t need guides for that, but they appeal to some imaginations, and if they make you feel excited about something good, then they are worth tuning into.

Building a fruitful connection with them feels like your intuition being spot on, your instincts serving you well, inspiration leading you to wonderful places, and your dreams leaving you with useful messages. The fantasticalness of spirituality fascinates me, the multi-dimensionality. I imagine it’s our evolutionary impulse, and that awareness makes many lower vibration earth-bound situations feel less troublesome to me. I do see the world in a different, more positive light than I used to.

A note on travel and maintaining my new momentum. It was in early February this year (the relationship separation was over Christmas by the way) an artist I work with told me her paintings of me may hang in an important exhibition in New York in September. I decided I must go, and it would be my first ever trip in my life to the US. I’d wanted to go for ages, especially since reading my American Gramp’s memoirs. I didn’t just want to go to New York, I really wanted to get to Seattle where he came from. And I wanted to see more of the amazing landscapes America has to offer.

So I booked a journey across America by myself in my first year of being single. I kept quiet about the trip till now because it feels very personal. Breaking up is extremely personal. I just kept quiet. My first trip to the US is something very special. It will take me time to acclimatise, and I will be able to focus on my new surroundings and switch on my senses full blast best being solo. That’s something else Human Design gave me solace about. It explained how I operate energetically, and why I need so much quiet time. Like a diagnosis in an astrological reading. I already knew these things, and it feels validating to have them backed up by planets and signs.

The trip is for just over three weeks and I would have loved it to be long enough to really make connections. Maintaining my home in London is also a consideration however. If you want to help me cover the costs of my trip, that would be extremely appreciated. This is a unique experience I am doing on a budget of greyhound buses and single rooms. I don’t sleep well enough for couch surfing to be advisable.

Other ways to help include sharing business expertise, technical support, holiday homes especially close to nature, theatrical direction or video editing for example. What I could offer in return – house/pet/babysitting; art modelling; intuitive counselling/coaching (I am not trained); help with meditation or embodied movement; creative problem solving; a very positive sounding board to help steer you from gloom; tapping into your creativity; helping you follow your intuition. Also, collaborations, venue space and invitations to perform or hold workshops.

I am very excited to be travelling a bit further for the first time alone.

A photo of me by Richard Crawford. I was at the private view of Drawing Humans exhibition at XYZ Gallery on 12 March. I am wearing a new dress I bought in a natty shop in Bishops Castle which my friend Sara took me to.

To Feel Human with You

Being with people naked with all different bodies, still and silent is liberating. Our bodies are ok, there is beauty in each, from the essence being allowed to be. Open and free allows, encourages each to flourish. That is a gift, that is magic, to share that is bliss.

To witness the unlocking of pain, but simply all I see is beauty. Individual expression, sometimes connection, the love of friends, couples, and the inclusion of all. The connections of the more confident and brave, the shapes of different bodies, sometimes balancing, sometimes relaxing, sometimes wanting to be looked at or not; to have all the variety is the magic of life.

At the begining of the morning session when I got on the platform, I found myself close to my friend Sylvie

As I was posing on the stage with everyone I noticed this wonderful feeling and it didn’t matter if we were being drawn or not, that was incidental. It was just being with everyone that mattered, and knowing we were all ok. I guess the artists do help though! That way you have a reason to stay still which helps. And impressions beyond photographs.

Thanks to all the models, and the artists at Spirited Bodies at the Drawing Theatre in Battersea Arts Centre last Saturday 20th October. Thanks also to Lucy, Steve and Denise for photographing art work. There is much more of it to be seen on our Facebook page; it may take a while to upload it all on here, so in the mean time: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.484653994890614.107239.320375434651805&type=1

Charcoal & Broomsticks

Like Cindarella after a hard day’s work I rest on my broom

exhausted and in a day dream about my Prince

Ugly sisters are having fun, being invited to everything and somehow stopping me from joining in while an evil step Mother holds the key to my cellar

Then a Fairy God Mother appears and offers a chance of freedom, to come out and shine

Cindarella figure from different view points; she is the hidden consciousness about to be revealed at the right moment

She holds the secret to unlimited success, beauty and Love!

Before you can manage your own affairs you must find the peace inside. Repeated rhythms of arduous work have kept Cindarella calm and disciplined. Drudgery has not dampened her dreams which sparkle more alluringly than ever. Solitude has brought her closer to herself and to value the company of others.

Reflection is a vital part of the discovery. To stay totally still and not move an inch, except for the infinitesimal but steady descent with gravity which the artists observe as they alter their measurements. I don’t notice, I’m locked in a stare and far away

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A Feminist Uprising in Brockley!

The coolest thing just happened to me. I had been indoors much of the day working from home when I felt my antennae twitching. It wasn’t just the coffee. Thought I’d go stock up on fruit so took a walk in the warm evening.

I got some grapes and plums etc and was meandering back when I bumped into a woman I met last week when I joined up with fellow Lewisham residents who are part of 38 Degrees Campaign group. We had handed in a petition to our MP against plans by government to spy/collect more data on people’s internet use.

So we were chatting about her involvement in a charity supporting refugees in Lewisham, and about my naked events being tricky for some ethnic/religious groups when I saw a woman waving at me from across the way. I told Heather, my companion and she turned and recognised a friend of hers. We joined her in the little park by the street; she was sitting as she had a bad leg. This woman had a slow, lilting Scottish voice and a warmth which seemed to operate on a different time. She described the old ways with affection, when children played outside and books had pages. I recognised her at once for an artist with her care and pleasure to tell me what she valued. It was not a rant, more a musical aside; you might lean in to catch. Someone with a vision and a smile.

I wanted to stay in touch and as I took her details she mentioned an impromptu meeting of women locally coming up soon, they would take over a pub! She said she used to organise regular feminist gatherings in the 80s but had not done so since having children. This will be the first reunion of her womenfolk friends and some new ones for nearly 30 years! I was astounded and felt the serendipity so sweetly. I was/am looking for women. I want to bring back the sense of empowering women to my events. I not long ago removed the ‘Empowering Women Through Art’ tagline as men are blatantly invited too. However since this change I have stopped hearing from women so much but instead have a regular influx of inquiries from men. I want the men; it is important to have them, for themselves and for the women. But my first passion is the women. Men sometimes asked ‘why do women need empowering? – Are they weak?’ The answer is sometimes unfortunately yes. You might not be able to see it but I feel it. I also know that women are increasing in their power as I write; their energy is on the up.

While a few white men basically control the planet’s finances, I think it is safe to say what may be a cliche that women and coloured people and every other minority/alternative do not yet enjoy equality. There is I believe another way to do things… and 38 Degrees represent just that – People, Power & Change. Our MP Joan Ruddock argued that policing the internet is vital for catching evil criminals particularly from the porn industry. There may be much abuse in that area and I could not say I know the facts (who can?) but our society (globally) as we presently exist keeps sex as something which still has taboo about it. The idea of tackling crime by targetting ‘criminals’ is akin to treating disease by symptoms. It is a way to manage things, though I think short-sighted. In a better world, we may look deeper at our beliefs which allow the negative manifestations of crime and disease to function. Work in progress.

Meeting Joan Ruddock

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Meeting With Freedom

When the doctor calls in the middle of the night, come to the hospital, this could be it. We don’t know if she’ll make it, but we need to know from you what you would like us to do if – if the life in her is not worth – if when she opens her eyes there is nothing there. They have the power and they need to know, have you thought about it? Yes because it happens each time – different doctors, sometimes different hospital, but each time she is under they have to ask.

Sometimes my instincts check in advance, they are not feeling adrenaline, I am sure this time will pass. Often I am pulled in to the brink on the edge of the rollercoaster seat. By the bedside crying, and appreciating time in the relatives’ suite, because that is the most meaningful conversations the rest of the family ever has with Dad. The family drama; and when the doctor calls, I know now that he is hoping. This time could be his meeting with freedom. He has discussed her wishes with her and the answer is to switch off from a life not worth the trouble. Meanwhile they continue, we keep on.

At the front of The Royal Festival Hall, Lucy and I find a table and furnish it with my large painted Spirited Bodies sign. We discuss the press release, skirting over our brushings with mental health. I was supposed to prepare the meeting we are about to have with our brand new SB models. We’ll wing it; well it’s not like we haven’t done it before. The hardest thing I find is putting myself in the position of someone new to the whole business. Remembering what it was like before nudity was normal, and even then it wasn’t that new to me. And tuning myself to a sensitive mode that is ready for newbies both anxious and nervous, as well as those in it for the craic, or because they just love what we’re doing. I’m a tiny bit nervous but it’s going to be fun.

They arrive one by one, with warm hand shakes and smiles, chairs gradually accumulated from across the room. They find me familiar, I have been emailing them individually, and it’s like we know each other, except now they’re all here I don’t know who each one is. It’s ok. We have important informations to impart and light-hearted anecdotes of bodily fluids and anti-sexual encounters. We – Lucy and I – are on familiar territory, and we pick up after each other. I try to feel what the interested faces are hoping to glean, and they ask about the photographs (for London Drawing) and how to choose poses. It goes well and I am high and full of love afterwards. That’s why we do it, because of them (and us). I love it when they are happy. The artists make another level of content, but for me it’s for the models first. They make me feel both humble and worthy. They are on edge with excitement to meet themselves in a space that is about just being, and being drawn. And they will be together, as in a drama, complimenting and interacting with each other, creating a story where there are bodies. We will be guiding them, but now already these that we have met, know more what to expect. Their minds will imagine and start to build the scene of the next event. The seeds are gestating in time for a rich bloom.